Wednesday, August 17, 2005

8/17/05 Wednesday


Peter woke up me early about 6:50 AM. He wanted to know if I wanted to see a early movie with him about a zebra and the stripes. I passed. I was still tired. I tried to go back to sleep. It was hard! Once I am awake, my day begins.

I put my new movie, Priscilla Queen Of The Desert, in the DVD. Peter called me during the movie. He wanted to come over for a while. I stopped the DVD. I figured he want to watch the same movie. I had some eggs and toast for breakfast. I smoked outside. Chuck need my last three bank statements; the guy haven't recieve anything from the bank. I found my statements. I looked for Chuck. He saw me from upstairs. I gave him the statements. Chuck needs to make some copies.

Peter scared the living daylights out of me. Peter was in a girlie voice, "How is your day coming along?" I didn't expect him too soon. Chuck returned my statements. I showed Peter The Midnight Mission poem. He asked, "What brought it on?" I mentioned that a neighbor wanted to eat at a mission yesterday for supper. I brought up my ordeal with the homeless shelter. Last night, I did the poem. I sent the shelter my poem! LOL

Peter and I watched Priscilla. He really like the movie. It was his time to see it. Brian haven't see the movie either. He mentioned he want to take the movie home later on today. I smoked again. Peter took a nap. I played Diablo 2 till Peter gave the game a try. He had a name in my account. Hours laters, Peter was getting good.He was getting use to the game.

The mailman knocked on my door. All right! My movies came! I was disappointed. All the movies was there except ONE - Pink Flamigo. I really wanted that movie. Peter mentioned I need to tell Columbia House. Peter continued playing Daiblo 2. Micky called me; he wanted to say hi. I told him that a friend and I was going to watch a movie. Micky hung up the phone; he didn't want to intrude my time with a friend.

I cooked Tuna Helper. Peter was still playing the game. The food was done. I asked, "Do you want some food?" Peter wasn't sure; he may eat out with Brian. I ate my food. Brian called Peter; they were going to eat supper together. Peter went to meet him somewhere. I had another helping of food. I watched The Jeffersons season 1, then Desperate Living. I did my journal. Good night.

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

Midnight Mission

By Kazz Falcon

I was homeless in LA
I stayed at Midnight Mission
I was glad that I had a place to stay
It saved me from skid row
I know I wouldn’t survive in the streets
I followed the rules
I "scored" points at the shelter
The points let us to stay longer
It was time for a change
I wanted a new look
I was tired of my brown hair
The beauty shop changed me into a blond
I looked marvelous
It was the first time to change my color
I went back to Midnight Mission
I showed my hair to my friends
Everyone seems like my blond hair
The head honcho wanted to see me
I went in his office
He really hated my new look
It costs an uproar big time during July 4th weekend
He found himself "an out"
He mentioned it didn’t look good at the shelter
I didn’t understand
My new look had nothing to do with the shelter
He gave me an ultimatum
He ordered me to change it back to brown
Or shave it off
He gave me a few days to decide
Well, I don’t have to think about it
He has no right to tell me what to do
I flat out refused
He kicked me out for not being a blond
He used the blonde hair as "an excuse"
He discriminated me for being gay
At least, I stood my ground
I will rather to be blonde AND gay,
Then listen to a low life jerk at Midnight Mission

8/16/05 Tuesday


Early this morning, I shopped at Vons for groceries. It was a good thing I went - some cereals was on SALE! I had one box of Corn Flakes to my name. I saved lots of money.

By the time I got home, I was so hot. It was cool in the morning. I watched Saturday Night Fever. I watched my soaps

I checked my mail; I got two movies from Columbia House; Rocky and Priscilla Queen Of The Desert. I watched Rocky.

That was the day.

Sunday, August 14, 2005

8/14/05 Sunday

I woke up about 7 AM. I took a quick shower. I thought About not going with Peter/Brian to the Tall Boats show. I didn't get enough sleep last night. Peter called me...u know an wake up call. I just wanted to eat breakfast, then I will tell them I wasn't going.

I took bus 4 to Western/Santa Monica. I called Peter; they were on the way to the bus stop. I waited at the bus stop. I saw them inside the bus. They strolled around the corner and walked down the other side of the street. I don't think they saw me at the bus stop. I walked down to McDonald's. They got to the corned. The light turned green. They ran across the street and rushed into McDonald's. I went inside. Peter said, "What take you long? We were here a long time." He was playing with me. We ate breakfast. I showed them the new poem.

The poem makes sence. Most people don't see the real talent; they only see the OTHER person. After all, I write as the first person, not the third person. All this time, I got the first person and the thrid person messed up. Writing as the first person is much easy for me.

We took bus 4 to the red line, the subway to Union Station. Peter/Brian looked at the bus times. One will be there shortly. We went upstairs. We chatted for a while. Brian was still working at the one place. Brian brought up about moving. He figured moving up north will be a great ideal. We lived in LA forever. Brian wants to get a house in the East Bay. There are more job openings for his kind of work. Peter and I likes the moving ideal. I won't mind moving, but...we need to money or, at least, someone hit it big!

We took 446 to the Tall Boat show. We grabbed something to eat. We ate at the table. We looked around at the booths. They brought a small tain glasss with a boat or a lighthouse. Then, we went to see the tall boats. The lines was full. We got in line. Brian decided we can get in another line. We went inside a building and saw lots of boats. I took some pictures. We were there about 45 minutes. We went outside. We walked around.

On the other side, some people fed some fishes to some seals. We took some pictures. A crowd gathered around and took some pics too. We finally waited in line. They guy told us to wait; it's time to let some people off the boat. We walked on the boat and saw everything. I took some pics of Brian/Peter and the boat. We walked to the trian station. We changed our minds and went to the mexican restuarant. We waited atthe bar; drinking. Peter came back; our table was ready. We went outside to eat.

We walked to the bus stop. The bus was coming; we almost miss the bus. We ran and made it on time. We went to Union Station. We got off at Santa Monica. We went our separate ways. I took bus 4 home.

I was pretty tired. I watched the Fox 11 news. Once again, there was another car chase. Someone carjacked a car with a gun. Few times, Fox 11 lost the feeds from the helicopter. At the end, the guy stopped the car. He got out of the car. There was no running from the police. They arrested him. After the news, I went to sleep.

Real Talent

by Kazz Falcon

Some people was mad at me
They don't see the whole story
They saw someone else in me
I was a REAL person in my art
They saw I was homophobia
They saw I was an unfit mother
They saw I was a killer
They saw I was a druggie
They saw I was an alcoholic
They saw I was black
They saw I was other people
They truly believed I was those people
I can't be THOSE people
I am a gay white male, artist & HIV +
I have a true passion for my art
I don’t want to limit myself to one type of art
It’s best to be versatile
I showed wide range of emotions
To be successful, they must see me as that character
Just like the actors in the movies
The audience needs to feel the pain and happiness too
They may relate to the character
What was the truth?
I can't be any of those things
I represent the REAL world in my art
I envisioned myself as those people
Just like the actors in the movies
As long we are convincing, it’s a job well done
That’s make us great artists
I don't want to hide from the truth
It does happen in real life
Probably, they was mad at THOSE people in the world
I don't care if they get mad at me
That really told me one thing
They were convinced that I was them
Meaning, I was a great artist
Yet, they don't see the real talent

Saturday, August 13, 2005

8/13/05 Saturday

Happy Disco music on KBIG

I woke up early this morning. I had no breakfast. Just in case I get hungry, I put some crackers in the backpack. It was cold outside. I took my leather coat with me. I just went straight to the post office. Like always, I took bus 304.

I got my EW magazine and the bank statement. I read EW at the magazine, smoking. I didn't want to go home. It was such a nice day to pass up. I went to Barnes & Noble at The Grove. This time, I wasn't bored like last Saturday.

I read Then & Now East Bay and the very first Peanuts comic strip in the Peanuts book. I liked The Peanuts book. I may get it some day.

Peter called me. He thought I was going to meet them at the Glendale mall. I told him that I was already at the mall. There was no plans of any kind today. I wanted to call them at the bus stop in Weho, but they were still in bed. I didn't want to disturb them at 8:30.

Brian wanted to get a new wallet at the mall. He lost his. Peter invited me to see The Wedding Crashers in Los Feliz. I told him that I might go. I wasn't interest of going at all. Something else might happen. They will text me later with the movie time.

Peter noticed I was sad in my voice. I lied that everything was fine. Peter knows me quite well. I will tell them tomorrow about Micky. I didn't want to ruin their day today. Sometimes, I will keep things to myself. Yes, I know! It is good to talk with friends about the problems. Today wasn't that day.

After 1 PM, I caught the bus. I got off at Jons. I brought something sweet to eat. I had any food yet. I ate two chocolate filled French Twists at the bus stop. Mum always buy them when I was a lad. I took the Vermount bus to SM, then bus 4 home.

I watched Hercules with Kevin Sorbo on DVD. Brian called me during the first episode. I declined the movie offer. I was more into Hercules. They thought I had a trick over! They were further from the truth! LOL. I mentioned I was still good for tomorrow's plans. We will take some pics of some ships. Peter told me about it at the book store. I didn't know anything about it. I don't keep up with the latest in LA. Yes, the world was passing me by. :-(

I saw the first two Hercules episodes, then I watched some regular TV like I Love Lucy, Married W Children on Fox 11. I listened to disco music on KBIG. I did some art.

That was about the day I had.

Hate Crime

By Kazz Falcon

Man, oh, man!
I really hated the faggots
They grossed me out big time
That lifestyle wasn’t right in God’s eyes
It was plain wrong
It supposed to be a man/woman, not the same sex
They were ruining the human race
All humans should procreate
I was glad that God forbids them in Heaven
That was one place we will be free of them
I can’t tolerate the sick individuals
It really sickened me
I won’t stand for them any more
It was time for a serious beating
I drove around town late at night
A feminine guy was hitching a ride
I remained calm and pulled to the side
He needs a ride home to West Hollywood
I picked him up
I mentioned I know a short cut
In truth – I took him to a dark alley
Of course, I sexually misled him
He fell for my wicked charms
He was interested of getting it on
I planted a kiss on his lips
He foolishly let his guard down
I had him where I want him
I made my move with a knife
He was scared for his life
He pleaded for his safety
Hell, no!
I had to get rid of that faggot
The world will be better off without him
I stabbed him to death
There was no stopping the hate crime

Out Of The Closet

By Kazz Falcon

Since I was a teen, I dreaded the moment
Back then, being gay wasn’t acceptable by the public
I stayed in the closet as long I could
I didn’t want any backlash
I feared to be gay bash
I didn’t feel safe in White Settlement
I was tired of living a lie
White Settlement was no longer home
The small town was a jail
I was trapped and miserable
I can’t be myself
Therefore, I moved to West Hollywood
Weho opened lots of doors for me
I was safer
I was very happy living there
I can be myself
I had freedom unlike White Settlement
I was proud of who I was – a gay man
I wasn’t ashamed
I came out of the closet



Jade09 from Planetout got on my case for giving my lover the HIV virus. He was really angry about the HIV Guilt.

I let him have it big time!

What a horrible, selfish thing to do to someone you "love". You should be prosecuted for murdering your lover. I wonder how many more people you have deliberately infected with a terminal illness because you "loved" them so much, that you could not bear the thought of losing them. You'll lose him now- from the disease you gave him.. I hope you are imprisoned for the rest of your irresponsible life.

This is my response.

Please get off your HIGH HORSE!
The police will NEVER EVER arrest me for giving the lover the HIV disease.
I will remain a free man!
Really, the police can do NOTHING about it.
Yes, I admitted I gave him HIV.
There is NO WAY that I will be lock up.

I sent Jade09 an email with the same response.

Friday, August 12, 2005

Was It Me?

By Kazz Falcon

I thought my love was good enough
I gave him flowers
I gave him candy
I gave him gifts
I always mentioned, “I love you”
I shared my life with him
He even know my deep darkness secrets
I took him out on the town once in a while
I cooked him romantic dinners
He had my loving attention
He was distance from me
He was in another world
I wondered what went wrong
I was there for him
He didn’t return any love
I was heartbroken
I believed he felt the same way
Maybe, I was wrong
Maybe, I wasn’t giving him enough love
Was it me?

What Happened?

Sad - Boogie Nights on KBIG 104.3

Micky called me in the late afternoon. He asked,"How are you?" I said, "I am mad."

He figured out why. He didn't show up few days ago. He stood me up! :-( I waited for him. He mentioned he was sorry. Yeah, right!

He claimed he fell asleep. I just don't buy it. He could have call me the next day or that night. Did he? Hell, no!

Somehow, he threw it back in my face. Huh? I didn't do anything wrong.

Then, he put the blame on me. He mentioned I don't let him to come over sometimes. Hello, he don't have to come over ALL THE TIME.

The truth - it wasn't even about me. It wasn't about us. It was about him.

He wanted to come over this afternoon. I refused. I don't want to do anything with him for a while. I was tired of his abuse.

I thought about kicking him out of my life for good. He will lost a good friend in me.

It will be better that he stays out of my life.

DVD Movies


The DVD movies from Columbia House are coming soon! I am so happy!

Order Date: 8/8/05

Completed Orders (orders already shipped)

The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert - $5.98

Rocky - $5.98

The Jeffersons: The Complete First Season - $22.46

The Jeffersons: The Complete Second Season - $22.46

Shallow Grave - $9.98

Torch Song Trilogy - $9.98

Fried Green Tomatoes Collector's Edition - $5.98

V: The Original Miniseries - $5.98

Desperate Living - $5.98

Pink Flamingos 25Th Anniversary Edition - $5.98

The total was $108.04.

Thursday, August 11, 2005

Book Agent

Happy Michael Jackson - Thriller

Looking for a BOOK AGENT

Reply to:
Date: 2005-08-11, 11:16PM PDT

I am looking for a book agent.......someone to help me to get my foot in the publishing world.

I believed I am talented enough. I have enough poems for a book.

If you are interest, send me an email.

Be sure to tell me about your HISTORY as an AGENT.

I want a REAL agent!

I felt like my time have come.

this is in or around West Hollywood

no -- it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

Michael Alig, The Party Monster

By Kazz Falcon

I was a famous club kid
I was a party promoter in Manhattan
I learned from my mentor, James St. James
Everyone wore outrageous costumes at the clubs
I assigned them names and personas
I opened a new world for them
They have never experience this kind of club life before
They can openly be themselves
There weren’t any hassles from anyone
Some people didn’t know what to think of us
I was very pleased with the club kids image
I developed an expensive drug habit
It didn’t stop me from partying
I still had a fabulous time everywhere
Nothing could stop the good times
Then again, something bad happened
I was sleeping
Angel, the drug dealer, barged into the apartment
I didn’t know what’s happening
He demanded some money
I didn’t pay him lately
He continued to be forceful
He wanted the money right then and there
Sorry, I had no money at all
He was aggressive with me
I was defending myself
Things were out of control
I bludgeoned Angel with a hammer
I poured Drano down his throat
I chopped off his legs
I dumped his body in Hudson River
Angel was no longer a burden
Thank Goodness it was over
I killed him in self-defense

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

Drug Addiction Baby

By Kazz Falcon

I felt so ashamed
My newborn baby was addiction to drugs
It was my entire fault
I did heroin with a needle
I just didn’t care
My main concern was the next hit
No matter how I get it, I put the baby in jeopardy
I wasn’t thinking about the baby
I wanted to get high at any cost
Sadly, I didn’t want the baby
I felt like the pregnancy ruined my life
I wasn’t ready to be a mother
I just punished my baby
I don’t deserve him
I was an unfit mother
I wanted no part of him
I didn’t see him after the birth
It was much better that way
My baby could have a REAL mother
She would take better care of him
I signed my parental rights away
I gave up the drug addiction baby



Micky called me after 2:30 PM. He wanted to come over to have some fun. He mentioned that he lives with Mike, his ex lover, again. He promised that he will be over 45 minutes. I took a quick shower. I waited and waited and waited and waited and know the drill. LOL

I finally gave up by 5 PM. Damn, I hated when he DOES NOT show up. I bet he went to the damn clubs again. I am so sick and tired of him.

I should have known he wouldn't show up. It happened many times before.

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

Another Visit

I have a feeling that the law enforcement will pay me another visit about the "Personal Written Poems" on Craig's List.

Come on now. I did nothing wrong. It is not ILLEGAL to post an ad.

This time, I put the ad under Rants & Raves.

Hey, I am just trying to get my ART out on the web. There's nothing wrong with that.

I can get more people interest in my art.

This is the ad...

Personal Written Poems

Reply to:
Date: 2005-08-10, 12:54AM EDT

If u want a PERSONAL written poem signed by yours truly, send me an EMAIL. I will send you the web address, then u can tell me what poem you like of mine on my web site, I will personal write the poem and signed by me. I will email the written poem to you.

All poems are Copyright © 2005 Kazz Falcon

Thanx a million.

Personal Written Poems


Spirit Alien

Personal written poems signed by yours truly. Tell me what poem you like of mine on my web site, I will personal write the poem and signed by me. I will email the written poem to you.

All poems are Copyright © 2005 Kazz Falcon

Monday, August 08, 2005

8/8/05 Monday


I took the movies back at Best Buy. The refund was over $250. The worker asked "Why do you want a refund?" I said, "I am with a movie club on the web."

The movies are very CHEAP with the Columbia House club.

I just ordered some movies - Rocky, The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert, Shallow Grave, Torch Song Trilogy, Fried Green Tomatoes Collector's Edition, V: The Original Miniseries, Desperate Living and Pink Flamingos 25Th Anniversary Edition.

Of course, the first/second season of The Jeffersons too!

The bill was $108.04. Some movies costed $5.98. I got a pretty good deal with Columbia House!

Sunday, August 07, 2005

8/7/05 Sunday


I spent the day with Peter/Brian at Redonda Beach. We had a nice time. We ate at a very nice seafood restuarant. Brian paid for the first round of drinks at the bar. We ate outside.

Saturday, August 06, 2005

8/6/05 Saturday

Sad Disco on KBIG

I picked up my mail at the post office. I called Peter/Brian at home; there was no answer. I decided to go The Grove for a little while. I read my magazines at the book store. The boredom got to me; there was nothing else to do. I checked out the TV DVDs. Boy, I saw the second season of The Jeffersons. So much, I want to get it, but I didn't have the discount card on me. Hopefully, I will get it some day.

I went out for a smoke and walked around. Even that was boring. I hopped on the bus and went to Hollywood/Highland mall. I was bored too. There was nothing excites me, EXCEPT The General Lee from The Dukes Of Hazzard movie. It was in front of Manns' Theater on the star's footprints. I wished my camera was with me! I will have take pics of that car. Hopefully, I can take some pics tomorrow.

I took the subway to Santa Monica and went home, I was still bored!

Gee, couldn't be life be any more EXCITING?

The End Of My Rope

By Kazz Falcon

I was tired and beaten
My addiction worn me down
Can’t you see my frown?
I shed a tear of millions
My boss noticed I wasn’t doing a good job
I mentioned I couldn’t get any sleep
He knew better than that
He released me from my duties
He promised my job would be waiting for me
Throughout the years, I was at many rehab centers
I couldn’t escape my addiction
It took control of my life
No matter how hard I try, I wasn’t able to stop
I always go back to heroin
The habit was hard to break
I injected it in the arm with a needle
It made me to feel so good
I don’t have a problem in the world
The heroin was the one I wanted the most in life
I didn’t care about anything else
I continued to lose everything AND everyone
I couldn’t handle what I became
I felt very bad that it truly cost me my life
It was the end of my rope

Thursday, August 04, 2005

Captured By Hate

By Kazz Falcon

I had such a beautiful wife
She was my joy and love
I adored everything about her
She was kind, sweet, loving, caring and a great comfort
She will do anything for you
I couldn’t ask for a better spouse
One stormy night, she didn’t come home on time
I became worried about her
It wasn’t like her to be late
I didn’t call the police
She wasn’t missing for 24 hours
I drove around the neighborhood in the rain
I noticed someone lay by the curb
I parked the car
I ran to check the person
My worst nightmare came true
I found her in a pool of blood
She bled to death
A thug stabbed her with a knife
Her purse was missing
He took my wife from me
How could someone do such a thing?
She didn’t have a mean bone in her body
I regretted for not protecting her
I wished I was with her
Things would be different
She would still be alive
I became angry
I couldn’t stop the rage
He will be sorry for killing my wife
He will pay with his life
I won’t stop till he is DEAD
The killing engulfed my soul within
The hate grew stronger by each second
I vowed to avenge her death
I was captured by hate

Wednesday, August 03, 2005

The Hit

Today was the day. I was on the way to meet that person at a disclosed location. No one will suspect a thing. As long I keep everything under wraps, I won't get in trouble with the law.

The Hit
By Kazz Falcon

The hit will be unexpected
None will be the wiser
It’s best to be that way
No on can stop the hit
It must be successful first
Then, he will receive payment
I waited for a long time
He was the perfect choice to be the hit man
I trusted that he wouldn’t tell the police
I won’t go to jail; even it kills me
My fate was in his hands
I depended on him
Hopefully, he will get the job done
It means the world to me
It will be worth every cent
There won’t be any more pain or headache
Soon, that life will end
I won’t miss the dreadful life
The only difference between Terry and me
Her husband pulled the plug on her life
I had a choice to end things
I can live with the decision
Bring on the hit

Tuesday, August 02, 2005

HIV Guilt

By Kazz Falcon

My boyfriend took an HIV test
He gave me the bad news
He was HIV +
He wondered how it happened
We always practiced safe sex
We haven’t been with someone else
We had a monogamy relationship
He started to cry
I comforted him
He shouldn’t be worry
It wasn’t the end of his life
Things happened for a reason
We had no control over things
Back in my mind, I know the truth
I gave the disease to him
I kept my HIV status a secret
I loved him so much
I didn’t want to lose him
That’s why I didn’t tell him
I was afraid that he wants no part of me
I put his life at risk
I felt so guilty

Childhood Homes


there are many people want to check their childhood home in the old neighborhood.

All my life, I want to see the home in Cleveland. We used to lived in a two story brick house on the corner in the mid 1970's. the landlords lived on the first floor. my family lived on the second.
we lived across a playground; the church was the next door.

I forgotton the address. i have no ideal what happen to the neighborhood.
then, we moved to Fort Worth to by near my granny, my mum's mum, in the late 70's.

We lived at 8212 Susssex St. in White Settlement. My mum rented the house from granny. I remembered the house and the neighborhood quite well. We lived there for many many years.

The last thing I heard about 8212 Sussex, the house was tored down in the 1990's. Someone is living at that address now. I haven't look at the new house.

I could imagine their house is much better than the old one!

Hopefully, some day, I could drop in for a visit and looked at the new house!

Monday, August 01, 2005



"Is there a point to your ramblings?" - Chris in the gay forums.

I was being honest about my HIV status.

Yet, that guy ACCUSED me of spreading AIDS.

He have no right to ATTACK me the way he did.

What happened to honesty?

Heaven & God

By Kazz Falcon

I read in the bible that being gay is a sin
That doesn’t wash my hands
I just don’t believe that
God made me a homosexual
Therefore, how can it be a sin?
Besides, God want a variety of people on earth
The bible said, “Do not judge.”
Yet, some people do it any way
They judged me for being gay
Let’s talk about homosexuality in the bible
It’s best to talk about Heaven and God first
Picture this
It’s the judgment day
I stood in front of God
It was the only the two of us, not counting Jesus and Mother Mary
Who else do I see?
I don’t see anyone else, not my friends, family or strangers
It’s between God and me
It’s really about God and me, no one else
The relationship is between God and me
God is the judge of my life
No one else judges me in heaven
Why can’t it be like that on earth where no one judges you?