Monday, November 28, 2005
7 of 7 Posted 11:41 PM Msg 34414.7 reply to 34414.1
From Alien (kattalien)To: Josh24AB unread
God DOES Exist
Please! I really doubt it.
If God does exist, how come homosexuals can't go to heaven?
after all, God made homosexuals in HIS IMAGE too.
God is a damn hypocrite!
In closing, I want no part of that hypocrite God since I am gay.
As far I am concerned, there is no God.
Thursday, November 24, 2005
Yesterday evening, a riddle came to me.........I think u will get it.
If someone born on Thanxgiving day, how many birthdays are there?
In their lifetime, they will be TWICE older then they "normally" are.
The birthday and thanxgiving are the SAME date......let's say Nov 24, 2005, Thursday. I was born on thanxgiving.
Next year, thanksgiving is 23, Thursday..........but my birthday is 24, Friday.
I will have TWO birthdays on Thursday AND Friday.
The two birthdays wil make me TWICE older than I "normally" am.
I will be 37 and 38 in ONE MONTH time!
In reality, I was born on a Monday in 1969. Therefore, there is no way possible I can have TWO birthdays in November!
Wednesday, November 23, 2005
Do we have a newbie atheist here? Not saying that in a pissy manner, I was there once too. We all were. I'm just asking.
Let's say the contradicts in the bible and God are changing my beliefs.
There are so many of them.
Yet, I can't go on believing the bible and God with full of contradicts.
Now, I see the bible is one big headache!
It isn't worth reading the bible or believing in God.
It dawned on me that I felt like that for a longest time.
I hardly go to church any more.
There is nothing there for me.
7:30 AM - Taylor woke up. He got ready and left to see about a job; he will take care of a old lady. That is something Taylor really need. The place he is living at now, the man is a major creep to him. Taylor really need to get away from the phycho!
Taylor mentioned he will come back later on today. Since Monday, Taylor have been staying with me. We need each other during this time; Robert passed away last Thursday.
I hardly do anything today, except the usual things I do.
Another old friend, Mike, called me from his work in the evening time. We talked eariler this morning for a split second. He was going back to bed. I mentioned a friend died from cancer. Mike mentioned he was sorry.
We chatted for a while. Mike don't look forward to thanxgiving/Holidays. Today was the anniversary of Mike's ex lover's death. He died few years ago. It was still hard on him. They have been together for a long time.
I mentioned tomorrow is my birthday. Mike joked that I was a old queen. He brought up the Xmas parade. It is this Sunday. I didn't know that. The parade was the last Sunday after Thanxgiving. We hunged up the phone.
Later, Taylor finally called. He won't be coming home tonight. He was babysitting.
Last night, Taylor found the Loreena McKennitt tape. I was quite surprised. I remembered that Robert gave me the tape few years ago. Now, I have SOMETHING to remember Robert. Taylor and I listened to the tape.
I looked up my web sites. I wrote about it on the web. I hit the jackpot.
Loreena McKennitt is my new favorite singer, right along with Enya! Oct 24, 2002, Thursday, I found Loreena on Musicmatch player while listening to Enya. Her song came on and her voice was beautiful beholding with my ears!
A very funny thing happened thou, my friend came over and I wanted him to hear the beautiful Loreena song. I was so shock to learn that Robert already knew her songs. He mentioned he listened to her over 6 years now and already had some CDs of hers. He offered that I could listen to his CDs. I can't wait! :-P
Monday, November 21, 2005
This is one of the most difficult things I ever written.
November 21, 2005, Monday - I recently learned that a close friend died from cancer. Taylor and I didn't know he passed away. It hit Taylor very hard; he still loves Robert.
I heard someone threw pennies at my door. I knew it was Taylor to get my attention. I went outside to let him in. The moment I saw him, I mentioned Robert told me to tell him to call him.
I saw Robert one last time on Halloween at APLA. I just got my monthly bus pass. I walked down the hallway. Someone called out my name. I looked up. I didn't recognize him at all. It was a huge shock to see Robert that way. I didn't expect to see him. Robert was in a wheelchair. He was in bad shape. He revealed his baldhead; he under went chemotherapy this past few months. At first, I didn't want anything to do with him. I couldn't face him like that way; I think Robert sense that. It was all over my face. It was hard to talk and face him. I haven't seen him over a year. He was walking, good looking, and muscular. He wasn't that way any more.
We chatted for a while. He wanted my phone number and email again. He mentioned he would call me soon; I will do the same. We never call each other on the phone or an email. Now, I wished I had or sent an email. I will have told him that I haven't see Taylor yet. I will have go over there with Taylor to see him. Then, I waited for him in the lobby, playing Dig Dug. I was such a mess. I felt bad about my old friend. Robert came to the lobby. We exchanged phone numbers/email. He thought I didn't have the same phone number/email.
We chatted more. He asked about Taylor. I haven't seen him in a few months. That's Taylor for you. He doesn’t keep in contact with me every week. Taylor couldn't get in touch; he lived with a fellow he took care of this year. It took up most of Taylor's time. Robert asked for a big favor - tell Taylor to call him. I was surprised to hear that. They haven't talk to each other in a long time. Now that I think about it - Robert wanted to talk to him one last time; he knew his time was ending soon. It didn't occur to me at that time.
Out of the blue, Robert brought up the $200. I was quite surprised he remembered. I gave him that money over two years ago. He mentioned he would pay me back soon. At first, I didn't want the money back. He doesn’t have to pay me. He needs his money more than I do. I can't go ahead and take the money back from him. It didn't felt right.
Robert mentioned that a nurse lived with him; that made me quite happy. At least, he had someone to look after him. Forget about Sean. They weren't on speaking terms any more. Sean started a rumor; Robert shoots up every day. Thus ending the friendship between them. I didn't know that Sean could be so mean and cruel. I only saw the good side of him. Robert took him in few years ago; Sean has no place to live. Out of the kindness of Robert's heart, Sean moved in with him. Robert mentioned that he would move to a two-bedroom apartment in Silverlake with his nurse. That made my day. Robert will be closer to me; I lived in Silverlake too. I can go there any time. I can help out once in a while.
From what I saw, Robert enjoyed being in the wheelchair; he had lots of fun. He mentioned that he would run them over if they don't get out of the way. LOL. We went to the subway. I offered to go with him to pick up his medication; he declined - he just wanted time alone. He doesn't get out that often. I wondered how he leaves the apartment. The building does have steps. He told me that friends would help him out of the building. I left him on the train; I got off Santa Monica. That was the last time I saw him.
Taylor finally called Robert. A lady answered the phone; Julie didn't know who Taylor was. Taylor explained that he met her with Robert at the gay center; they picked up his medication. One time, Taylor told me that; Taylor thought Julie was his niece. Well, Robert told me that she was his nurse! LOL. She sounded strange on the phone; Taylor asked, "What's wrong?" Julie revealed that Robert passed away last Thursday, one week before my birthday on Thanksgiving. Taylor broke down, crying. We couldn't believe that Robert died. They continued talking on the phone.
Taylor wanted to come over to Robert's place. Julie thought it was a great ideal. Taylor needed some kind of closure. I offered to go with him. After all, I need closure too and Robert's place was a good place to start the healing and talking with Julie.
Robert and I basically came from the same background - we both have alcoholics for exes and we became homeless because of them. Neither Sean nor Miguel will stop drinking alcohol; some people don’t want any help whatsoever. We met at Path and became very close. Robert helped me a great deal about the dreadful ex. He was a good friend. He was there for me. We can relate to each other.
I got my own place at Waterloo in September 2002. Robert and Taylor helped me move from Miguel's place on Cherokee. Miguel was upset that I was leaving him for my own place. He promised he never want to see me again! Good riddance. I didn't have my own bed. Robert gave me his old bed, which was good enough at that time. I have no money for a new bed. Robert and Taylor took me shopping for things at my place. Taylor picked out the things for my liking. Taylor made me place very nicely; he did an excellent job. They both will do anything for me.
I know I went off topic! Hey, I just want to tell how good Robert AND Taylor were friends. Their friendship meant the world to me.
Taylor and I went to the bus stop. He was still crying; he couldn't understand how God took him away. He was pretty upset. He disavowed God; he wants nothing to do with God. He took off his rings and necklace. I put out my hand, "Give me your stuff." I didn't want Taylor to give up on hope and/or God. I will keep his things for safekeeping. He gave up his faith in God. He couldn't handle losing more loved ones.
We got off Madison and walked to Robert's. Taylor buzzed. Julie came down. We went in the building. Taylor broke down. Julie comforts him. We went up the stairs. We entered the apartment. They mostly did the talking. I listened to them! LOL. It was a great healing process for the both of them. It felt good to be a part of that. I just wanted to be there for Taylor. He has been through a lot.
Taylor admitted to Julie that he wants nothing to do with God; God kept on taking his loved ones. Julie made a excellent point - people comes into our lives for a reason, then they will leave wherever they may go to. Robert did his work on earth; he touched so many lives. It was his time to go home. God needed Robert more than we do. Taylor decided to put on his jewelry again.
Julie mentioned that Robert and her were complete strangers when they met! No kidding, dude! After three days, Robert offered Julie to live with him. See how good Robert was. Julie didn't know what to think. She has nothing to lose. She moved in to take care of him. They became great friends.
In closing, I felt so bad. I didn't reach Taylor on time before Robert's passing. I promised Robert that I would tell Taylor to call him. We both didn't say our goodbyes one last time in person. Whenever I listen to Loreena McKennitt, her songs will remind me of the great friend we lost. My friends, we will cherish our time with him till we see him again.
"Every journey brings its own surprises: a challenge, a sudden detour, a new set of friends along the way, perhaps even a destination different from the one you intended." - Loreena McKennitt.
Saturday, November 19, 2005
This morning, Mike Crouch called me; he wanted to come over in the morning. I mentioned I had plans. I returned the first season of The Brady Bunch. The pastic part of the DVD was up at the side twice.
I took 304 to Target. I went straight to the DVD area. Thank goodness that there was some first season there! I went to the cashier; she told me to go to Customer Service. I got in line; I exchanged it. I waited for the bus.
I put a check in the bank. Yesterday, I overspent on the DVDs again! Man, it is a addiction to me. I just couldn't stop myself at Best Buy AND Target.
I brought 7 DVDs at BB and Brady Bunch's first four seasons at Target. I thought I would only get three with the BB coupon. Boy, howdy!
Thank Goodness, I had more money in the bank. I don't want to go in debt! LOL
I figured I get the bread at Jons, across the street from the banks. I walked by the clothing store and the coats caught my attention. I needed a new coat. I only had my leather one, not counting the long leather coat.
I checked out the coats. I found two I like. I went to the cashier's. I was satisfied with the price. $9.99 and $19.99, not bad for two coats!
I took the rapid to Santa Monica and went home. The apartment manger was "housecleaning" the complex.
I was extremely hot. I wanted to relax for a while and watched some shows on DVD.
30 minutes later, the manager knocked on my door, "Someone was here." It was his last time to tell me. Man, it was Mike! He shouldn't be here right now. We agreed on 1 PM. The time was about 11:30 PM. I let Mike in, I mentioned 1 PM. He was anxious to come over. The manager blurted out, "Why am I cleaning?" It does felt like SUMMER! It was 84.
Mike and I went in. Mike checked his email; I watched Sanford & Son. Mike still gets on my freaking nerves with his talking. I couldn't watch my show as he talked. I should have slap the hell out of him! LOL
SHUT THE HELL UP, MIKE!
I finished watching some Sanford & Son episodes. I made some white cupcakes.
Later in the afternoon, Mike was hungry. I signed off to let him in the complex. Mike came back with some Tuna. He said, "You didn't hear me." Hello, Mike, the phone didn't ring once! We watched Urban Cowboy for the upteenth time! Mike asked, "When was the last time I saw that movie?" I replied, "With you." He watched the movie and doing the email at the same time. I laid on the couch.
It was getting late for Mike. He mentioned he want to spend the night, but never do! He left at the very end of the movie.
Thursday, November 17, 2005
what do you think about suicide?
Suicide isn't something I will do.
I will get a HIT MAN to kill me.
The hit man knows no fear!
He will get the job done right then and there.
I don't believe in suicide.
I'm being honest with my feelings.
The hit man is the next best thing!
Bring on the hit man!
Thursday, November 10, 2005
I took a shower. I was planning of going to pick up my mail. I know I have lots of mail. I wasn't there over a week.
Brian called me for a BIG FAVOR - volunteer at Outfest; Peter was sick. So, I took Peter's place.
I met Brian at McDonald's on Wilshire. We walked over to Outfest. They put us straight to work. We made name tags and cut the tickets.
Molly asked me if I want to volunteer this weekend at Fusion. I have no ideal what she was talking about it. They gave me a pamplet. It looked interesting. I signed up for the weekend. Molly mentioned she will send the hours in a email.
They brought us lunch at TOGO. We ate at Outfest.
We met this black women; she chatted a lot! lol
We talked how we became to be. Brian and I came from a baptist background. Enough said!
She had few boyfriends before, but it didn't feel right. She had a lesbian collage roomie. She didn't know that roomie was gay; she hide it from her and so forth.
She continued on with her life story. It was very interesting. She should write a book! After all, she is a writer like me!
Brian and I went to the bank on Wilshire/Western. Peter called Brian to have supper. Nah, I was too tired to eeat out with them. We parted ways. Brian went to Taco Bell to wait for Peter. I went home.
I felt like I was part of the WORKING world. It felt so good. I haven't work for the longest time.
I checked my email for the hours.
Thanks so much for your expressed interest in Fusion! I can assure you that it is going to be a total blast!
You are currently signed up for:
Friday at the Egyptian Theater
Drink Ticket Bander
Saturday at the Barnsdall Art Park
Barnsdall Load Out
Sunday at the JACCC
Remember we are asking that you wear your Outfest Volunteer shirt (or solid black shirt) with either black pants or jeans.
Please report to me when you get to the location(s). I will give you your badge on your first shift.
Looking forward to seeing you!
The morning before, AOL deleted my web site. They didn't give me a reason yet.
AOL sent me TWO emails, but it really didn't EXPLAIN anything about the site.
It was mostly about tips and TOS!
I woke up in the morning. I noticed I wasn't online. I wondered why.
I tried to sign on. For some reason, I need to do the question to sign in. I put in the answer.
So far, everything seems all right.
I wanted to retouch my web site.
I was shocked that my web site wasn't there.
I didn't have anything wrong with it. I worked on the site over the weekend.
I know I didn't delete it.
I checked the other sites. Boy, there was gone too.
I was sad. I had the web site over three years.
I hated to start all over again and again!
It took lots of time to build one.
I had them where I loved them!
Now, I won't do any more web sites on AOL with the screen name I have at this moment.
It is a waste of time.
I was glad that I start to put on all my art on Blogger! It was a good thing I did!
Sunday, November 06, 2005
There can by only 10 entires each on AOL. That really sucks!
You can have so many (666) on Blogger.
Oops, I meaned 999 posts! LOL
I started in the year of 1990. I will work myself to the present time.
Yes, it will take FOREVER!!
I probably have over 400 art.
Saturday, November 05, 2005
"Clay said he is not gay.I don't take him for a lier." - faithway on IMDB.
Come on now! We are talking about stars in Hollywood!
Look at Raymond Burr, Rock Hudson, Robert Reed, Liberace, Richard Chamberlain, Little Richard, Roddy McDowell, George Takei, Tab Hunter, Anthony Perkins, Tommy Kirk, Dick Sargent, and many more.
Some stars will remained IN THE CLOSET, despite a successful career in Hollywood.
The fact is............some stars comes out, some don't!
Wednesday, October 26, 2005
2. Complete Directory To Prime Time Network And Cable TV Shows 20th Anniversary Edition
3. Complete Directory To Prime Time Network And Cable TV Shows 8th Edition
4. TV Guide 50 Years Of TV
5. Life – Century Of Change
6. A Century Of Great African-Americans
7. World’s Greatest Buildings
8. Hollywood Then And Now
9. Los Angeles Then And Now
10. Las Vegas Then And Now
11. Holy Bible NKJV (small)
12. Falling for Marilyn
13. This Is Hollywood
Copyright © 2005 Kazz Falcon
2. Madonna – I'm Breathless (Dick Tracy)
3. Madonna – Erotica
4. Madonna – Ray Of Light
5. ABBA – Gold
6. La Bouche – Sweet Dreams
7. Real McCoy – Another Night
8. Enya – Shepherd Moons
9. Enya – Paint The Sky With Star
10. Duran Duran
11. Pet Shop Boys – Absolutely Fabulous
12. Club Mix: The 90's
13. 100% Pure Dance
14. Work Out
15. The Best Of Dance Mix USA
16. Joan Osborne – Relish
17. Gin Blossoms – Congratulations I'm Sorry
18. Celine Dion – The Colour Of My Love
20. Saturday Night Fever
21. Mariah Carey – #1
22. The B 52's – Time Capsule
23. Aerosmith – Big Ones
24. Bette Midler – Experience The Devine
25. Britney Spears – Baby One More Time
26. Richard Marx – Greatest Hits
27. New Kids On The Block – Greatest Hits
28. Debbie Gibson – Greatest Hits
29. Paula Cole – This Fire
30. Bon Jovi – New Jersey
31. Selena – Dreaming Of You
32. Janet Jackson – Designs Of A Decade 1986 – 96
33. Bobby Brown – Don't Be Cruel
34. The Backstreet Boys
Copyright © 2005 Kazz Falcon
1. Super Mario Bros
2. Donkey Kong
6. Ice Climber
1. Mario vs. Donkey Kong
2. Mario & Luigi Superstar Saga
3. MarioKart: Super Circuit
4. Zelda: A Link To The Past – Four Swords
5. Planet Of The Apes
6. Sonic Advance
7. Frogger Advance The Great Quest
8. Frogger Adventures 2 The Lost Wand
9. Castlevania Circle Of The Moon
10. Metroid Fusion
11. Super Mario Advance
12. Super Mario Advance 2: Super Mario World
13. Super Mario Advance 3: Yoshi’s Island
14. Super Mario Advance 4: Super Mario Bros 3
15. Donkey Kong Country
16. Donkey Kong Country 2
17. Tetris World
18. Namco Museum 50th Anniversary
19. Wario Land 3
20. Zelda Oracle Of Ages
21. Zelda Oracle Of Seasons
Copyright © 2005 Kazz Falcon
2. Luigi’s Mansion
3. Sonic Mega Collection
4. Pacman World 2
5. Mortal Kombat
6. Midway Arcade Treasures
7. Namco Museum
8. Namco Museum 50th Anniversary
9. Pacman vs & Pacman World 2
10. Wario World
11. Super Mario Sunshine
12. Star Wars Bounty Hunter
13. Lords Of The Rings: The Return Of The King
Copyright © 2005 Kazz Falcon
2. Man In The Iron Mask
3. Gangs Of New York
5. The Karate Kid
6. Blackboard Jungle
7. Final Destination
8. Harry Potter & The Sorcerer’s Stone
9. Kiss Me Guido
10. West Side Story
12. Gone With The Wind
13. South Park Bigger Longer & Uncut
15. Prince Of Egypt
16. Road To El Dorado
17. Nightmare Before Christmas
18. James & The Giant Peace
19. The Secret Of NIHM
20. Rocky Horror Picture Show
21. The Talented Mr. Ripley
22. Muppet Movie
23. Mildred Pierce
24. 8 Mile
25. Star Wars Special Edition
27. Lord Of The Rings: The Fellowship Of The Rings
28. Lord Of The Rings: The Two Towers
30. The Wizard Of Oz
32. Moulin Rouge Special Edition
34. The Addams Family
Copyright © 2005 Kazz Falcon
2. The Mummy Returns
3. The Scorpion King
5. Shrek 2
6. A Christmas Story
7. Are You Being Served? The Movie
8. Urban Cowboy
10. Saturday Night Fever
11. Austin Powers
12. Austin Powers The Spy Who Shagged Me
13. Ever After
14. Moulin Rouge
15. Lord Of The Rings – The Fellowship Of The Ring (Wide Screen)
17. There’s Something About Mary
18. The Sixth Sense
19. South Park Bigger, Longer & Uncut
20. A Chorus Line
21. Jimmy Neutron Boy Genius
22. The Birdcage
23. To Wong Foo, Thanks For Everything! Julie Newmar
24. Priscilla Queen Of The Desert
25. Mary Poppins
26. Bedknobs & Broomsticks
27. Pirates Of The Caribbean The Curse Of The Black Pearl
28. Planet Of The Apes
29. Beneath Of The Planet Of The Apes
30. Escape From The Planet Of The Apes
31. Conquest Of The Planet Of The Apes
32. Battle For The Planet Of The Apes
33. The Bad News Bears
34. The Bad News Bears In Breaking Training
35. The Bad News Bears Go To Japan
36. Lord Of The Rings – The Fellowship Of The Ring
37. Lord Of The Rings – The Two Towers
38. Lord Of The Rings – The Return Of The King
39. Jason & The Argonauts
40. The 7th Voyage Of Sinbad
41. Sinbad & The Eye Of The Tiger
42. The Golden Voyage Of Sinbad
43. The 3 Worlds Of Gulliver
45. The Broken Hearts Club
46. It’s My Party
47. Kiss Me Guido
48. Love! Valour! Compassion!
49. Billy’s Hollywood Screen Kiss
50. Torch Song Trilogy
51. Fried Green Tomatoes
53. A League Of Their Own
54. The Brady Bunch Movie
55. Coal Miner’s Daughter
56. The Addams Family
58. Shaft’s Big Score
59. Shaft (remake)
60. Meet The Parents
61. Meet The Fuckers
62. Charlotte’s Web
63. Prince Of Egypt
64. The Road To El Dorado
65. The First Wives Club
66. Buddy Holly Story
68. Madonna Truth Or Dare
69. Laurel & Hardy
70. Sinbad Legend Of The Seven Seas
71. Desperate Living
72. Shallow Grave
Copyright © 2005 Kazz Falcon
Airline 1 season
The Amazing Race 1 season
Batman: Animated Series volume 1
Bewitched 1 season
Boy Meets Boy 1 season
Dallas 1 - 3 season
Desperate Housewives 1 season
Diff'rent Strokes 1 season
Dukes Of Hazzard 1 - 3 season
ER 1 - 2 season
Fat Actress 1 season
The Fresh Prince 1 season
Friends 1 - 2 season
Full House 1 season
Gilligan's Island 1 - 2 season
Good Times 1 - 5 season
Green Acres 1 - 2 season
Hercules 1 season
The Honeymooners classic 39 episodes
The Jeffersons 1 - 3 season
Lois & Clark 1 season
The Nanny 1 season
The Osbournes 1 season
The Partridge Family 1 season
Queer As Folk 1 season
Ren & Stimpy 1 - 2 season
Roseanne 1 season
Sanford & Son 1 - 3 season, 5 - 6 season
Smallville 1 season
Soap 1 - 2 season
South Park 2 season
Speed Racer Volume 2
Taxi 1 - 2 season
Third Rock From The Sun 1 season
Three's Company 1 - 3 season
227 1 season
The Waltons 1 - 2 season
What's Happening 1 - 3 season
Wonder Women 1 - 2 season
Copyright © 2005 Kazz Falcon
Saturday, October 15, 2005
"Anyways,... don't worry about me.... (this sounds like a lame excuse to me...)" - eescobar8 on yahoo.com
Telling u about the STD is not a LAME EXCUSE, Al Escobar.
I will never danger someone's life with STD no matter how bad it is.
It seems like u want the STD.
how dumb is that!
Friday, October 14, 2005
Citing a little-known statute that makes it a felony to not disclose one's HIV status.
"I've copied and pasted the above from a legal brief, for your reading pleasure.
see, i told u! the police haven't arrest me yet.
it have been a few monthes now.
u are blowing smoke out of your ass!
the police won't do anything about me giving my lover the HIV virus!
Tuesday, October 04, 2005
I brought a new VCR/DVD combo on Monday morning.
I am not happy with my new VCR/DVD combo. it really sucks big time.
I will return it to Best Buy tomorrow or this weekend.
When i set the timer..........it doesn't AUTOMATICLY goes off.
I need to push a damn button for the TIMER on the controls!
ALSO - get this, when the timer starts to tape, i CAN NOT watch any tv at all.
The damn vcr won't let me to watch any other channel.
I have to wait till the timer finish taping the shows.
I really hate the new VCR/DVD.
The search contunies for a new VCR.
Wednesday, September 21, 2005
Friday, September 09, 2005
Dick Van Dyke honored for helping homeless in LA
BEVERLY HILLS, Calif. (AP) — Dick Van Dyke regularly dishes up meals and laughs during Thanksgiving, Christmas and Easter at The Midnight Mission shelter on Skid Row in downtown Los Angeles.
The organization gave back to the actor-comedian Thursday night, honoring him with its Golden Heart Award during a dinner at the Beverly Hills Hotel.
"I had a little tussle with the demon rum," Van Dyke said, alluding to his own problem with alcohol abuse years ago. "I thought, 'I'll go down and do a little payback.' I was amazed — young people, mothers and a lot of kids. The place got under my skin and it's been a part of my life ever since."
Van Dyke, 79, volunteers for the major holiday meals, often bringing celebrity helpers like Carrie Fisher and Ed Begley Jr. He recently served as chairman of a fundraising campaign for a new Midnight Mission building.
"They take people and put them back on their feet and send them out as proud citizens," Van Dyke said. "It's the most rewarding thing I've ever done."
Among those cheering for Van Dyke on Thursday were Fisher, former astronaut Buzz Aldrin, actor Mike Conners, Angie Dickinson, Barbara Sinatra and Steve Lawrence and Eydie Gorme.
"They take people and put them back on their feet and send them out as proud citizens," Van Dyke said.
I have one thing to say to Dick Van Dyke. I wondered about something, Dick. Do you know that the Midnight Mission discriminated gays?
If I was Dick, I will return the stupid award and volunteer at a gay friendly shelter.
The Midnight Mission isn't worth it.
Wednesday, August 17, 2005
Peter woke up me early about 6:50 AM. He wanted to know if I wanted to see a early movie with him about a zebra and the stripes. I passed. I was still tired. I tried to go back to sleep. It was hard! Once I am awake, my day begins.
I put my new movie, Priscilla Queen Of The Desert, in the DVD. Peter called me during the movie. He wanted to come over for a while. I stopped the DVD. I figured he want to watch the same movie. I had some eggs and toast for breakfast. I smoked outside. Chuck need my last three bank statements; the guy haven't recieve anything from the bank. I found my statements. I looked for Chuck. He saw me from upstairs. I gave him the statements. Chuck needs to make some copies.
Peter scared the living daylights out of me. Peter was in a girlie voice, "How is your day coming along?" I didn't expect him too soon. Chuck returned my statements. I showed Peter The Midnight Mission poem. He asked, "What brought it on?" I mentioned that a neighbor wanted to eat at a mission yesterday for supper. I brought up my ordeal with the homeless shelter. Last night, I did the poem. I sent the shelter my poem! LOL
Peter and I watched Priscilla. He really like the movie. It was his time to see it. Brian haven't see the movie either. He mentioned he want to take the movie home later on today. I smoked again. Peter took a nap. I played Diablo 2 till Peter gave the game a try. He had a name in my account. Hours laters, Peter was getting good.He was getting use to the game.
The mailman knocked on my door. All right! My movies came! I was disappointed. All the movies was there except ONE - Pink Flamigo. I really wanted that movie. Peter mentioned I need to tell Columbia House. Peter continued playing Daiblo 2. Micky called me; he wanted to say hi. I told him that a friend and I was going to watch a movie. Micky hung up the phone; he didn't want to intrude my time with a friend.
I cooked Tuna Helper. Peter was still playing the game. The food was done. I asked, "Do you want some food?" Peter wasn't sure; he may eat out with Brian. I ate my food. Brian called Peter; they were going to eat supper together. Peter went to meet him somewhere. I had another helping of food. I watched The Jeffersons season 1, then Desperate Living. I did my journal. Good night.
Tuesday, August 16, 2005
I was homeless in LA
I stayed at Midnight Mission
I was glad that I had a place to stay
It saved me from skid row
I know I wouldn’t survive in the streets
I followed the rules
I "scored" points at the shelter
The points let us to stay longer
It was time for a change
I wanted a new look
I was tired of my brown hair
The beauty shop changed me into a blond
I looked marvelous
It was the first time to change my color
I went back to Midnight Mission
I showed my hair to my friends
Everyone seems like my blond hair
The head honcho wanted to see me
I went in his office
He really hated my new look
It costs an uproar big time during July 4th weekend
He found himself "an out"
He mentioned it didn’t look good at the shelter
I didn’t understand
My new look had nothing to do with the shelter
He gave me an ultimatum
He ordered me to change it back to brown
Or shave it off
He gave me a few days to decide
Well, I don’t have to think about it
He has no right to tell me what to do
I flat out refused
He kicked me out for not being a blond
He used the blonde hair as "an excuse"
He discriminated me for being gay
At least, I stood my ground
I will rather to be blonde AND gay,
Then listen to a low life jerk at Midnight Mission
Early this morning, I shopped at Vons for groceries. It was a good thing I went - some cereals was on SALE! I had one box of Corn Flakes to my name. I saved lots of money.
By the time I got home, I was so hot. It was cool in the morning. I watched Saturday Night Fever. I watched my soaps
I checked my mail; I got two movies from Columbia House; Rocky and Priscilla Queen Of The Desert. I watched Rocky.
That was the day.
Sunday, August 14, 2005
I took bus 4 to Western/Santa Monica. I called Peter; they were on the way to the bus stop. I waited at the bus stop. I saw them inside the bus. They strolled around the corner and walked down the other side of the street. I don't think they saw me at the bus stop. I walked down to McDonald's. They got to the corned. The light turned green. They ran across the street and rushed into McDonald's. I went inside. Peter said, "What take you long? We were here a long time." He was playing with me. We ate breakfast. I showed them the new poem.
The poem makes sence. Most people don't see the real talent; they only see the OTHER person. After all, I write as the first person, not the third person. All this time, I got the first person and the thrid person messed up. Writing as the first person is much easy for me.
We took bus 4 to the red line, the subway to Union Station. Peter/Brian looked at the bus times. One will be there shortly. We went upstairs. We chatted for a while. Brian was still working at the one place. Brian brought up about moving. He figured moving up north will be a great ideal. We lived in LA forever. Brian wants to get a house in the East Bay. There are more job openings for his kind of work. Peter and I likes the moving ideal. I won't mind moving, but...we need to money or, at least, someone hit it big!
We took 446 to the Tall Boat show. We grabbed something to eat. We ate at the table. We looked around at the booths. They brought a small tain glasss with a boat or a lighthouse. Then, we went to see the tall boats. The lines was full. We got in line. Brian decided we can get in another line. We went inside a building and saw lots of boats. I took some pictures. We were there about 45 minutes. We went outside. We walked around.
On the other side, some people fed some fishes to some seals. We took some pictures. A crowd gathered around and took some pics too. We finally waited in line. They guy told us to wait; it's time to let some people off the boat. We walked on the boat and saw everything. I took some pics of Brian/Peter and the boat. We walked to the trian station. We changed our minds and went to the mexican restuarant. We waited atthe bar; drinking. Peter came back; our table was ready. We went outside to eat.
We walked to the bus stop. The bus was coming; we almost miss the bus. We ran and made it on time. We went to Union Station. We got off at Santa Monica. We went our separate ways. I took bus 4 home.
I was pretty tired. I watched the Fox 11 news. Once again, there was another car chase. Someone carjacked a car with a gun. Few times, Fox 11 lost the feeds from the helicopter. At the end, the guy stopped the car. He got out of the car. There was no running from the police. They arrested him. After the news, I went to sleep.
Some people was mad at me
They don't see the whole story
They saw someone else in me
I was a REAL person in my art
They saw I was homophobia
They saw I was an unfit mother
They saw I was a killer
They saw I was a druggie
They saw I was an alcoholic
They saw I was black
They saw I was other people
They truly believed I was those people
I can't be THOSE people
I am a gay white male, artist & HIV +
I have a true passion for my art
I don’t want to limit myself to one type of art
It’s best to be versatile
I showed wide range of emotions
To be successful, they must see me as that character
Just like the actors in the movies
The audience needs to feel the pain and happiness too
They may relate to the character
What was the truth?
I can't be any of those things
I represent the REAL world in my art
I envisioned myself as those people
Just like the actors in the movies
As long we are convincing, it’s a job well done
That’s make us great artists
I don't want to hide from the truth
It does happen in real life
Probably, they was mad at THOSE people in the world
I don't care if they get mad at me
That really told me one thing
They were convinced that I was them
Meaning, I was a great artist
Yet, they don't see the real talent
Saturday, August 13, 2005
I woke up early this morning. I had no breakfast. Just in case I get hungry, I put some crackers in the backpack. It was cold outside. I took my leather coat with me. I just went straight to the post office. Like always, I took bus 304.
I got my EW magazine and the bank statement. I read EW at the magazine, smoking. I didn't want to go home. It was such a nice day to pass up. I went to Barnes & Noble at The Grove. This time, I wasn't bored like last Saturday.
I read Then & Now East Bay and the very first Peanuts comic strip in the Peanuts book. I liked The Peanuts book. I may get it some day.
Peter called me. He thought I was going to meet them at the Glendale mall. I told him that I was already at the mall. There was no plans of any kind today. I wanted to call them at the bus stop in Weho, but they were still in bed. I didn't want to disturb them at 8:30.
Brian wanted to get a new wallet at the mall. He lost his. Peter invited me to see The Wedding Crashers in Los Feliz. I told him that I might go. I wasn't interest of going at all. Something else might happen. They will text me later with the movie time.
Peter noticed I was sad in my voice. I lied that everything was fine. Peter knows me quite well. I will tell them tomorrow about Micky. I didn't want to ruin their day today. Sometimes, I will keep things to myself. Yes, I know! It is good to talk with friends about the problems. Today wasn't that day.
After 1 PM, I caught the bus. I got off at Jons. I brought something sweet to eat. I had any food yet. I ate two chocolate filled French Twists at the bus stop. Mum always buy them when I was a lad. I took the Vermount bus to SM, then bus 4 home.
I watched Hercules with Kevin Sorbo on DVD. Brian called me during the first episode. I declined the movie offer. I was more into Hercules. They thought I had a trick over! They were further from the truth! LOL. I mentioned I was still good for tomorrow's plans. We will take some pics of some ships. Peter told me about it at the book store. I didn't know anything about it. I don't keep up with the latest in LA. Yes, the world was passing me by. :-(
I saw the first two Hercules episodes, then I watched some regular TV like I Love Lucy, Married W Children on Fox 11. I listened to disco music on KBIG. I did some art.
That was about the day I had.
Man, oh, man!
I really hated the faggots
They grossed me out big time
That lifestyle wasn’t right in God’s eyes
It was plain wrong
It supposed to be a man/woman, not the same sex
They were ruining the human race
All humans should procreate
I was glad that God forbids them in Heaven
That was one place we will be free of them
I can’t tolerate the sick individuals
It really sickened me
I won’t stand for them any more
It was time for a serious beating
I drove around town late at night
A feminine guy was hitching a ride
I remained calm and pulled to the side
He needs a ride home to West Hollywood
I picked him up
I mentioned I know a short cut
In truth – I took him to a dark alley
Of course, I sexually misled him
He fell for my wicked charms
He was interested of getting it on
I planted a kiss on his lips
He foolishly let his guard down
I had him where I want him
I made my move with a knife
He was scared for his life
He pleaded for his safety
I had to get rid of that faggot
The world will be better off without him
I stabbed him to death
There was no stopping the hate crime
Since I was a teen, I dreaded the moment
Back then, being gay wasn’t acceptable by the public
I stayed in the closet as long I could
I didn’t want any backlash
I feared to be gay bash
I didn’t feel safe in White Settlement
I was tired of living a lie
White Settlement was no longer home
The small town was a jail
I was trapped and miserable
I can’t be myself
Therefore, I moved to West Hollywood
Weho opened lots of doors for me
I was safer
I was very happy living there
I can be myself
I had freedom unlike White Settlement
I was proud of who I was – a gay man
I wasn’t ashamed
I came out of the closet
Jade09 from Planetout got on my case for giving my lover the HIV virus. He was really angry about the HIV Guilt.
I let him have it big time!
What a horrible, selfish thing to do to someone you "love". You should be prosecuted for murdering your lover. I wonder how many more people you have deliberately infected with a terminal illness because you "loved" them so much, that you could not bear the thought of losing them. You'll lose him now- from the disease you gave him.. I hope you are imprisoned for the rest of your irresponsible life.
This is my response.
Please get off your HIGH HORSE!
The police will NEVER EVER arrest me for giving the lover the HIV disease.
I will remain a free man!
Really, the police can do NOTHING about it.
Yes, I admitted I gave him HIV.
There is NO WAY that I will be lock up.
I sent Jade09 an email with the same response.
Friday, August 12, 2005
I thought my love was good enough
I gave him flowers
I gave him candy
I gave him gifts
I always mentioned, “I love you”
I shared my life with him
He even know my deep darkness secrets
I took him out on the town once in a while
I cooked him romantic dinners
He had my loving attention
He was distance from me
He was in another world
I wondered what went wrong
I was there for him
He didn’t return any love
I was heartbroken
I believed he felt the same way
Maybe, I was wrong
Maybe, I wasn’t giving him enough love
Was it me?
Micky called me in the late afternoon. He asked,"How are you?" I said, "I am mad."
He figured out why. He didn't show up few days ago. He stood me up! :-( I waited for him. He mentioned he was sorry. Yeah, right!
He claimed he fell asleep. I just don't buy it. He could have call me the next day or that night. Did he? Hell, no!
Somehow, he threw it back in my face. Huh? I didn't do anything wrong.
Then, he put the blame on me. He mentioned I don't let him to come over sometimes. Hello, he don't have to come over ALL THE TIME.
The truth - it wasn't even about me. It wasn't about us. It was about him.
He wanted to come over this afternoon. I refused. I don't want to do anything with him for a while. I was tired of his abuse.
I thought about kicking him out of my life for good. He will lost a good friend in me.
It will be better that he stays out of my life.
The DVD movies from Columbia House are coming soon! I am so happy!
Order Date: 8/8/05
Completed Orders (orders already shipped)
The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert - $5.98
Rocky - $5.98
The Jeffersons: The Complete First Season - $22.46
The Jeffersons: The Complete Second Season - $22.46
Shallow Grave - $9.98
Torch Song Trilogy - $9.98
Fried Green Tomatoes Collector's Edition - $5.98
V: The Original Miniseries - $5.98
Desperate Living - $5.98
Pink Flamingos 25Th Anniversary Edition - $5.98
The total was $108.04.