Monday, November 28, 2005
7 of 7 Posted 11:41 PM Msg 34414.7 reply to 34414.1
From Alien (kattalien)To: Josh24AB unread
God DOES Exist
Please! I really doubt it.
If God does exist, how come homosexuals can't go to heaven?
after all, God made homosexuals in HIS IMAGE too.
God is a damn hypocrite!
In closing, I want no part of that hypocrite God since I am gay.
As far I am concerned, there is no God.
Thursday, November 24, 2005
Yesterday evening, a riddle came to me.........I think u will get it.
If someone born on Thanxgiving day, how many birthdays are there?
In their lifetime, they will be TWICE older then they "normally" are.
The birthday and thanxgiving are the SAME date......let's say Nov 24, 2005, Thursday. I was born on thanxgiving.
Next year, thanksgiving is 23, Thursday..........but my birthday is 24, Friday.
I will have TWO birthdays on Thursday AND Friday.
The two birthdays wil make me TWICE older than I "normally" am.
I will be 37 and 38 in ONE MONTH time!
In reality, I was born on a Monday in 1969. Therefore, there is no way possible I can have TWO birthdays in November!
Wednesday, November 23, 2005
Do we have a newbie atheist here? Not saying that in a pissy manner, I was there once too. We all were. I'm just asking.
Let's say the contradicts in the bible and God are changing my beliefs.
There are so many of them.
Yet, I can't go on believing the bible and God with full of contradicts.
Now, I see the bible is one big headache!
It isn't worth reading the bible or believing in God.
It dawned on me that I felt like that for a longest time.
I hardly go to church any more.
There is nothing there for me.
7:30 AM - Taylor woke up. He got ready and left to see about a job; he will take care of a old lady. That is something Taylor really need. The place he is living at now, the man is a major creep to him. Taylor really need to get away from the phycho!
Taylor mentioned he will come back later on today. Since Monday, Taylor have been staying with me. We need each other during this time; Robert passed away last Thursday.
I hardly do anything today, except the usual things I do.
Another old friend, Mike, called me from his work in the evening time. We talked eariler this morning for a split second. He was going back to bed. I mentioned a friend died from cancer. Mike mentioned he was sorry.
We chatted for a while. Mike don't look forward to thanxgiving/Holidays. Today was the anniversary of Mike's ex lover's death. He died few years ago. It was still hard on him. They have been together for a long time.
I mentioned tomorrow is my birthday. Mike joked that I was a old queen. He brought up the Xmas parade. It is this Sunday. I didn't know that. The parade was the last Sunday after Thanxgiving. We hunged up the phone.
Later, Taylor finally called. He won't be coming home tonight. He was babysitting.
Last night, Taylor found the Loreena McKennitt tape. I was quite surprised. I remembered that Robert gave me the tape few years ago. Now, I have SOMETHING to remember Robert. Taylor and I listened to the tape.
I looked up my web sites. I wrote about it on the web. I hit the jackpot.
Loreena McKennitt is my new favorite singer, right along with Enya! Oct 24, 2002, Thursday, I found Loreena on Musicmatch player while listening to Enya. Her song came on and her voice was beautiful beholding with my ears!
A very funny thing happened thou, my friend came over and I wanted him to hear the beautiful Loreena song. I was so shock to learn that Robert already knew her songs. He mentioned he listened to her over 6 years now and already had some CDs of hers. He offered that I could listen to his CDs. I can't wait! :-P
Monday, November 21, 2005
This is one of the most difficult things I ever written.
November 21, 2005, Monday - I recently learned that a close friend died from cancer. Taylor and I didn't know he passed away. It hit Taylor very hard; he still loves Robert.
I heard someone threw pennies at my door. I knew it was Taylor to get my attention. I went outside to let him in. The moment I saw him, I mentioned Robert told me to tell him to call him.
I saw Robert one last time on Halloween at APLA. I just got my monthly bus pass. I walked down the hallway. Someone called out my name. I looked up. I didn't recognize him at all. It was a huge shock to see Robert that way. I didn't expect to see him. Robert was in a wheelchair. He was in bad shape. He revealed his baldhead; he under went chemotherapy this past few months. At first, I didn't want anything to do with him. I couldn't face him like that way; I think Robert sense that. It was all over my face. It was hard to talk and face him. I haven't seen him over a year. He was walking, good looking, and muscular. He wasn't that way any more.
We chatted for a while. He wanted my phone number and email again. He mentioned he would call me soon; I will do the same. We never call each other on the phone or an email. Now, I wished I had or sent an email. I will have told him that I haven't see Taylor yet. I will have go over there with Taylor to see him. Then, I waited for him in the lobby, playing Dig Dug. I was such a mess. I felt bad about my old friend. Robert came to the lobby. We exchanged phone numbers/email. He thought I didn't have the same phone number/email.
We chatted more. He asked about Taylor. I haven't seen him in a few months. That's Taylor for you. He doesn’t keep in contact with me every week. Taylor couldn't get in touch; he lived with a fellow he took care of this year. It took up most of Taylor's time. Robert asked for a big favor - tell Taylor to call him. I was surprised to hear that. They haven't talk to each other in a long time. Now that I think about it - Robert wanted to talk to him one last time; he knew his time was ending soon. It didn't occur to me at that time.
Out of the blue, Robert brought up the $200. I was quite surprised he remembered. I gave him that money over two years ago. He mentioned he would pay me back soon. At first, I didn't want the money back. He doesn’t have to pay me. He needs his money more than I do. I can't go ahead and take the money back from him. It didn't felt right.
Robert mentioned that a nurse lived with him; that made me quite happy. At least, he had someone to look after him. Forget about Sean. They weren't on speaking terms any more. Sean started a rumor; Robert shoots up every day. Thus ending the friendship between them. I didn't know that Sean could be so mean and cruel. I only saw the good side of him. Robert took him in few years ago; Sean has no place to live. Out of the kindness of Robert's heart, Sean moved in with him. Robert mentioned that he would move to a two-bedroom apartment in Silverlake with his nurse. That made my day. Robert will be closer to me; I lived in Silverlake too. I can go there any time. I can help out once in a while.
From what I saw, Robert enjoyed being in the wheelchair; he had lots of fun. He mentioned that he would run them over if they don't get out of the way. LOL. We went to the subway. I offered to go with him to pick up his medication; he declined - he just wanted time alone. He doesn't get out that often. I wondered how he leaves the apartment. The building does have steps. He told me that friends would help him out of the building. I left him on the train; I got off Santa Monica. That was the last time I saw him.
Taylor finally called Robert. A lady answered the phone; Julie didn't know who Taylor was. Taylor explained that he met her with Robert at the gay center; they picked up his medication. One time, Taylor told me that; Taylor thought Julie was his niece. Well, Robert told me that she was his nurse! LOL. She sounded strange on the phone; Taylor asked, "What's wrong?" Julie revealed that Robert passed away last Thursday, one week before my birthday on Thanksgiving. Taylor broke down, crying. We couldn't believe that Robert died. They continued talking on the phone.
Taylor wanted to come over to Robert's place. Julie thought it was a great ideal. Taylor needed some kind of closure. I offered to go with him. After all, I need closure too and Robert's place was a good place to start the healing and talking with Julie.
Robert and I basically came from the same background - we both have alcoholics for exes and we became homeless because of them. Neither Sean nor Miguel will stop drinking alcohol; some people don’t want any help whatsoever. We met at Path and became very close. Robert helped me a great deal about the dreadful ex. He was a good friend. He was there for me. We can relate to each other.
I got my own place at Waterloo in September 2002. Robert and Taylor helped me move from Miguel's place on Cherokee. Miguel was upset that I was leaving him for my own place. He promised he never want to see me again! Good riddance. I didn't have my own bed. Robert gave me his old bed, which was good enough at that time. I have no money for a new bed. Robert and Taylor took me shopping for things at my place. Taylor picked out the things for my liking. Taylor made me place very nicely; he did an excellent job. They both will do anything for me.
I know I went off topic! Hey, I just want to tell how good Robert AND Taylor were friends. Their friendship meant the world to me.
Taylor and I went to the bus stop. He was still crying; he couldn't understand how God took him away. He was pretty upset. He disavowed God; he wants nothing to do with God. He took off his rings and necklace. I put out my hand, "Give me your stuff." I didn't want Taylor to give up on hope and/or God. I will keep his things for safekeeping. He gave up his faith in God. He couldn't handle losing more loved ones.
We got off Madison and walked to Robert's. Taylor buzzed. Julie came down. We went in the building. Taylor broke down. Julie comforts him. We went up the stairs. We entered the apartment. They mostly did the talking. I listened to them! LOL. It was a great healing process for the both of them. It felt good to be a part of that. I just wanted to be there for Taylor. He has been through a lot.
Taylor admitted to Julie that he wants nothing to do with God; God kept on taking his loved ones. Julie made a excellent point - people comes into our lives for a reason, then they will leave wherever they may go to. Robert did his work on earth; he touched so many lives. It was his time to go home. God needed Robert more than we do. Taylor decided to put on his jewelry again.
Julie mentioned that Robert and her were complete strangers when they met! No kidding, dude! After three days, Robert offered Julie to live with him. See how good Robert was. Julie didn't know what to think. She has nothing to lose. She moved in to take care of him. They became great friends.
In closing, I felt so bad. I didn't reach Taylor on time before Robert's passing. I promised Robert that I would tell Taylor to call him. We both didn't say our goodbyes one last time in person. Whenever I listen to Loreena McKennitt, her songs will remind me of the great friend we lost. My friends, we will cherish our time with him till we see him again.
"Every journey brings its own surprises: a challenge, a sudden detour, a new set of friends along the way, perhaps even a destination different from the one you intended." - Loreena McKennitt.
Saturday, November 19, 2005
This morning, Mike Crouch called me; he wanted to come over in the morning. I mentioned I had plans. I returned the first season of The Brady Bunch. The pastic part of the DVD was up at the side twice.
I took 304 to Target. I went straight to the DVD area. Thank goodness that there was some first season there! I went to the cashier; she told me to go to Customer Service. I got in line; I exchanged it. I waited for the bus.
I put a check in the bank. Yesterday, I overspent on the DVDs again! Man, it is a addiction to me. I just couldn't stop myself at Best Buy AND Target.
I brought 7 DVDs at BB and Brady Bunch's first four seasons at Target. I thought I would only get three with the BB coupon. Boy, howdy!
Thank Goodness, I had more money in the bank. I don't want to go in debt! LOL
I figured I get the bread at Jons, across the street from the banks. I walked by the clothing store and the coats caught my attention. I needed a new coat. I only had my leather one, not counting the long leather coat.
I checked out the coats. I found two I like. I went to the cashier's. I was satisfied with the price. $9.99 and $19.99, not bad for two coats!
I took the rapid to Santa Monica and went home. The apartment manger was "housecleaning" the complex.
I was extremely hot. I wanted to relax for a while and watched some shows on DVD.
30 minutes later, the manager knocked on my door, "Someone was here." It was his last time to tell me. Man, it was Mike! He shouldn't be here right now. We agreed on 1 PM. The time was about 11:30 PM. I let Mike in, I mentioned 1 PM. He was anxious to come over. The manager blurted out, "Why am I cleaning?" It does felt like SUMMER! It was 84.
Mike and I went in. Mike checked his email; I watched Sanford & Son. Mike still gets on my freaking nerves with his talking. I couldn't watch my show as he talked. I should have slap the hell out of him! LOL
SHUT THE HELL UP, MIKE!
I finished watching some Sanford & Son episodes. I made some white cupcakes.
Later in the afternoon, Mike was hungry. I signed off to let him in the complex. Mike came back with some Tuna. He said, "You didn't hear me." Hello, Mike, the phone didn't ring once! We watched Urban Cowboy for the upteenth time! Mike asked, "When was the last time I saw that movie?" I replied, "With you." He watched the movie and doing the email at the same time. I laid on the couch.
It was getting late for Mike. He mentioned he want to spend the night, but never do! He left at the very end of the movie.
Thursday, November 17, 2005
what do you think about suicide?
Suicide isn't something I will do.
I will get a HIT MAN to kill me.
The hit man knows no fear!
He will get the job done right then and there.
I don't believe in suicide.
I'm being honest with my feelings.
The hit man is the next best thing!
Bring on the hit man!
Thursday, November 10, 2005
I took a shower. I was planning of going to pick up my mail. I know I have lots of mail. I wasn't there over a week.
Brian called me for a BIG FAVOR - volunteer at Outfest; Peter was sick. So, I took Peter's place.
I met Brian at McDonald's on Wilshire. We walked over to Outfest. They put us straight to work. We made name tags and cut the tickets.
Molly asked me if I want to volunteer this weekend at Fusion. I have no ideal what she was talking about it. They gave me a pamplet. It looked interesting. I signed up for the weekend. Molly mentioned she will send the hours in a email.
They brought us lunch at TOGO. We ate at Outfest.
We met this black women; she chatted a lot! lol
We talked how we became to be. Brian and I came from a baptist background. Enough said!
She had few boyfriends before, but it didn't feel right. She had a lesbian collage roomie. She didn't know that roomie was gay; she hide it from her and so forth.
She continued on with her life story. It was very interesting. She should write a book! After all, she is a writer like me!
Brian and I went to the bank on Wilshire/Western. Peter called Brian to have supper. Nah, I was too tired to eeat out with them. We parted ways. Brian went to Taco Bell to wait for Peter. I went home.
I felt like I was part of the WORKING world. It felt so good. I haven't work for the longest time.
I checked my email for the hours.
Thanks so much for your expressed interest in Fusion! I can assure you that it is going to be a total blast!
You are currently signed up for:
Friday at the Egyptian Theater
Drink Ticket Bander
Saturday at the Barnsdall Art Park
Barnsdall Load Out
Sunday at the JACCC
Remember we are asking that you wear your Outfest Volunteer shirt (or solid black shirt) with either black pants or jeans.
Please report to me when you get to the location(s). I will give you your badge on your first shift.
Looking forward to seeing you!
The morning before, AOL deleted my web site. They didn't give me a reason yet.
AOL sent me TWO emails, but it really didn't EXPLAIN anything about the site.
It was mostly about tips and TOS!
I woke up in the morning. I noticed I wasn't online. I wondered why.
I tried to sign on. For some reason, I need to do the question to sign in. I put in the answer.
So far, everything seems all right.
I wanted to retouch my web site.
I was shocked that my web site wasn't there.
I didn't have anything wrong with it. I worked on the site over the weekend.
I know I didn't delete it.
I checked the other sites. Boy, there was gone too.
I was sad. I had the web site over three years.
I hated to start all over again and again!
It took lots of time to build one.
I had them where I loved them!
Now, I won't do any more web sites on AOL with the screen name I have at this moment.
It is a waste of time.
I was glad that I start to put on all my art on Blogger! It was a good thing I did!
Sunday, November 06, 2005
There can by only 10 entires each on AOL. That really sucks!
You can have so many (666) on Blogger.
Oops, I meaned 999 posts! LOL
I started in the year of 1990. I will work myself to the present time.
Yes, it will take FOREVER!!
I probably have over 400 art.
Saturday, November 05, 2005
"Clay said he is not gay.I don't take him for a lier." - faithway on IMDB.
Come on now! We are talking about stars in Hollywood!
Look at Raymond Burr, Rock Hudson, Robert Reed, Liberace, Richard Chamberlain, Little Richard, Roddy McDowell, George Takei, Tab Hunter, Anthony Perkins, Tommy Kirk, Dick Sargent, and many more.
Some stars will remained IN THE CLOSET, despite a successful career in Hollywood.
The fact is............some stars comes out, some don't!
Wednesday, October 26, 2005
2. Complete Directory To Prime Time Network And Cable TV Shows 20th Anniversary Edition
3. Complete Directory To Prime Time Network And Cable TV Shows 8th Edition
4. TV Guide 50 Years Of TV
5. Life – Century Of Change
6. A Century Of Great African-Americans
7. World’s Greatest Buildings
8. Hollywood Then And Now
9. Los Angeles Then And Now
10. Las Vegas Then And Now
11. Holy Bible NKJV (small)
12. Falling for Marilyn
13. This Is Hollywood
Copyright © 2005 Kazz Falcon
2. Madonna – I'm Breathless (Dick Tracy)
3. Madonna – Erotica
4. Madonna – Ray Of Light
5. ABBA – Gold
6. La Bouche – Sweet Dreams
7. Real McCoy – Another Night
8. Enya – Shepherd Moons
9. Enya – Paint The Sky With Star
10. Duran Duran
11. Pet Shop Boys – Absolutely Fabulous
12. Club Mix: The 90's
13. 100% Pure Dance
14. Work Out
15. The Best Of Dance Mix USA
16. Joan Osborne – Relish
17. Gin Blossoms – Congratulations I'm Sorry
18. Celine Dion – The Colour Of My Love
20. Saturday Night Fever
21. Mariah Carey – #1
22. The B 52's – Time Capsule
23. Aerosmith – Big Ones
24. Bette Midler – Experience The Devine
25. Britney Spears – Baby One More Time
26. Richard Marx – Greatest Hits
27. New Kids On The Block – Greatest Hits
28. Debbie Gibson – Greatest Hits
29. Paula Cole – This Fire
30. Bon Jovi – New Jersey
31. Selena – Dreaming Of You
32. Janet Jackson – Designs Of A Decade 1986 – 96
33. Bobby Brown – Don't Be Cruel
34. The Backstreet Boys
Copyright © 2005 Kazz Falcon
1. Super Mario Bros
2. Donkey Kong
6. Ice Climber
1. Mario vs. Donkey Kong
2. Mario & Luigi Superstar Saga
3. MarioKart: Super Circuit
4. Zelda: A Link To The Past – Four Swords
5. Planet Of The Apes
6. Sonic Advance
7. Frogger Advance The Great Quest
8. Frogger Adventures 2 The Lost Wand
9. Castlevania Circle Of The Moon
10. Metroid Fusion
11. Super Mario Advance
12. Super Mario Advance 2: Super Mario World
13. Super Mario Advance 3: Yoshi’s Island
14. Super Mario Advance 4: Super Mario Bros 3
15. Donkey Kong Country
16. Donkey Kong Country 2
17. Tetris World
18. Namco Museum 50th Anniversary
19. Wario Land 3
20. Zelda Oracle Of Ages
21. Zelda Oracle Of Seasons
Copyright © 2005 Kazz Falcon
2. Luigi’s Mansion
3. Sonic Mega Collection
4. Pacman World 2
5. Mortal Kombat
6. Midway Arcade Treasures
7. Namco Museum
8. Namco Museum 50th Anniversary
9. Pacman vs & Pacman World 2
10. Wario World
11. Super Mario Sunshine
12. Star Wars Bounty Hunter
13. Lords Of The Rings: The Return Of The King
Copyright © 2005 Kazz Falcon
2. Man In The Iron Mask
3. Gangs Of New York
5. The Karate Kid
6. Blackboard Jungle
7. Final Destination
8. Harry Potter & The Sorcerer’s Stone
9. Kiss Me Guido
10. West Side Story
12. Gone With The Wind
13. South Park Bigger Longer & Uncut
15. Prince Of Egypt
16. Road To El Dorado
17. Nightmare Before Christmas
18. James & The Giant Peace
19. The Secret Of NIHM
20. Rocky Horror Picture Show
21. The Talented Mr. Ripley
22. Muppet Movie
23. Mildred Pierce
24. 8 Mile
25. Star Wars Special Edition
27. Lord Of The Rings: The Fellowship Of The Rings
28. Lord Of The Rings: The Two Towers
30. The Wizard Of Oz
32. Moulin Rouge Special Edition
34. The Addams Family
Copyright © 2005 Kazz Falcon
2. The Mummy Returns
3. The Scorpion King
5. Shrek 2
6. A Christmas Story
7. Are You Being Served? The Movie
8. Urban Cowboy
10. Saturday Night Fever
11. Austin Powers
12. Austin Powers The Spy Who Shagged Me
13. Ever After
14. Moulin Rouge
15. Lord Of The Rings – The Fellowship Of The Ring (Wide Screen)
17. There’s Something About Mary
18. The Sixth Sense
19. South Park Bigger, Longer & Uncut
20. A Chorus Line
21. Jimmy Neutron Boy Genius
22. The Birdcage
23. To Wong Foo, Thanks For Everything! Julie Newmar
24. Priscilla Queen Of The Desert
25. Mary Poppins
26. Bedknobs & Broomsticks
27. Pirates Of The Caribbean The Curse Of The Black Pearl
28. Planet Of The Apes
29. Beneath Of The Planet Of The Apes
30. Escape From The Planet Of The Apes
31. Conquest Of The Planet Of The Apes
32. Battle For The Planet Of The Apes
33. The Bad News Bears
34. The Bad News Bears In Breaking Training
35. The Bad News Bears Go To Japan
36. Lord Of The Rings – The Fellowship Of The Ring
37. Lord Of The Rings – The Two Towers
38. Lord Of The Rings – The Return Of The King
39. Jason & The Argonauts
40. The 7th Voyage Of Sinbad
41. Sinbad & The Eye Of The Tiger
42. The Golden Voyage Of Sinbad
43. The 3 Worlds Of Gulliver
45. The Broken Hearts Club
46. It’s My Party
47. Kiss Me Guido
48. Love! Valour! Compassion!
49. Billy’s Hollywood Screen Kiss
50. Torch Song Trilogy
51. Fried Green Tomatoes
53. A League Of Their Own
54. The Brady Bunch Movie
55. Coal Miner’s Daughter
56. The Addams Family
58. Shaft’s Big Score
59. Shaft (remake)
60. Meet The Parents
61. Meet The Fuckers
62. Charlotte’s Web
63. Prince Of Egypt
64. The Road To El Dorado
65. The First Wives Club
66. Buddy Holly Story
68. Madonna Truth Or Dare
69. Laurel & Hardy
70. Sinbad Legend Of The Seven Seas
71. Desperate Living
72. Shallow Grave
Copyright © 2005 Kazz Falcon
Airline 1 season
The Amazing Race 1 season
Batman: Animated Series volume 1
Bewitched 1 season
Boy Meets Boy 1 season
Dallas 1 - 3 season
Desperate Housewives 1 season
Diff'rent Strokes 1 season
Dukes Of Hazzard 1 - 3 season
ER 1 - 2 season
Fat Actress 1 season
The Fresh Prince 1 season
Friends 1 - 2 season
Full House 1 season
Gilligan's Island 1 - 2 season
Good Times 1 - 5 season
Green Acres 1 - 2 season
Hercules 1 season
The Honeymooners classic 39 episodes
The Jeffersons 1 - 3 season
Lois & Clark 1 season
The Nanny 1 season
The Osbournes 1 season
The Partridge Family 1 season
Queer As Folk 1 season
Ren & Stimpy 1 - 2 season
Roseanne 1 season
Sanford & Son 1 - 3 season, 5 - 6 season
Smallville 1 season
Soap 1 - 2 season
South Park 2 season
Speed Racer Volume 2
Taxi 1 - 2 season
Third Rock From The Sun 1 season
Three's Company 1 - 3 season
227 1 season
The Waltons 1 - 2 season
What's Happening 1 - 3 season
Wonder Women 1 - 2 season
Copyright © 2005 Kazz Falcon
Saturday, October 15, 2005
"Anyways,... don't worry about me.... (this sounds like a lame excuse to me...)" - eescobar8 on yahoo.com
Telling u about the STD is not a LAME EXCUSE, Al Escobar.
I will never danger someone's life with STD no matter how bad it is.
It seems like u want the STD.
how dumb is that!
Friday, October 14, 2005
Citing a little-known statute that makes it a felony to not disclose one's HIV status.
"I've copied and pasted the above from a legal brief, for your reading pleasure.
see, i told u! the police haven't arrest me yet.
it have been a few monthes now.
u are blowing smoke out of your ass!
the police won't do anything about me giving my lover the HIV virus!
Tuesday, October 04, 2005
I brought a new VCR/DVD combo on Monday morning.
I am not happy with my new VCR/DVD combo. it really sucks big time.
I will return it to Best Buy tomorrow or this weekend.
When i set the timer..........it doesn't AUTOMATICLY goes off.
I need to push a damn button for the TIMER on the controls!
ALSO - get this, when the timer starts to tape, i CAN NOT watch any tv at all.
The damn vcr won't let me to watch any other channel.
I have to wait till the timer finish taping the shows.
I really hate the new VCR/DVD.
The search contunies for a new VCR.
Wednesday, September 21, 2005
Friday, September 09, 2005
Dick Van Dyke honored for helping homeless in LA
BEVERLY HILLS, Calif. (AP) — Dick Van Dyke regularly dishes up meals and laughs during Thanksgiving, Christmas and Easter at The Midnight Mission shelter on Skid Row in downtown Los Angeles.
The organization gave back to the actor-comedian Thursday night, honoring him with its Golden Heart Award during a dinner at the Beverly Hills Hotel.
"I had a little tussle with the demon rum," Van Dyke said, alluding to his own problem with alcohol abuse years ago. "I thought, 'I'll go down and do a little payback.' I was amazed — young people, mothers and a lot of kids. The place got under my skin and it's been a part of my life ever since."
Van Dyke, 79, volunteers for the major holiday meals, often bringing celebrity helpers like Carrie Fisher and Ed Begley Jr. He recently served as chairman of a fundraising campaign for a new Midnight Mission building.
"They take people and put them back on their feet and send them out as proud citizens," Van Dyke said. "It's the most rewarding thing I've ever done."
Among those cheering for Van Dyke on Thursday were Fisher, former astronaut Buzz Aldrin, actor Mike Conners, Angie Dickinson, Barbara Sinatra and Steve Lawrence and Eydie Gorme.
"They take people and put them back on their feet and send them out as proud citizens," Van Dyke said.
I have one thing to say to Dick Van Dyke. I wondered about something, Dick. Do you know that the Midnight Mission discriminated gays?
If I was Dick, I will return the stupid award and volunteer at a gay friendly shelter.
The Midnight Mission isn't worth it.
Wednesday, August 17, 2005
Peter woke up me early about 6:50 AM. He wanted to know if I wanted to see a early movie with him about a zebra and the stripes. I passed. I was still tired. I tried to go back to sleep. It was hard! Once I am awake, my day begins.
I put my new movie, Priscilla Queen Of The Desert, in the DVD. Peter called me during the movie. He wanted to come over for a while. I stopped the DVD. I figured he want to watch the same movie. I had some eggs and toast for breakfast. I smoked outside. Chuck need my last three bank statements; the guy haven't recieve anything from the bank. I found my statements. I looked for Chuck. He saw me from upstairs. I gave him the statements. Chuck needs to make some copies.
Peter scared the living daylights out of me. Peter was in a girlie voice, "How is your day coming along?" I didn't expect him too soon. Chuck returned my statements. I showed Peter The Midnight Mission poem. He asked, "What brought it on?" I mentioned that a neighbor wanted to eat at a mission yesterday for supper. I brought up my ordeal with the homeless shelter. Last night, I did the poem. I sent the shelter my poem! LOL
Peter and I watched Priscilla. He really like the movie. It was his time to see it. Brian haven't see the movie either. He mentioned he want to take the movie home later on today. I smoked again. Peter took a nap. I played Diablo 2 till Peter gave the game a try. He had a name in my account. Hours laters, Peter was getting good.He was getting use to the game.
The mailman knocked on my door. All right! My movies came! I was disappointed. All the movies was there except ONE - Pink Flamigo. I really wanted that movie. Peter mentioned I need to tell Columbia House. Peter continued playing Daiblo 2. Micky called me; he wanted to say hi. I told him that a friend and I was going to watch a movie. Micky hung up the phone; he didn't want to intrude my time with a friend.
I cooked Tuna Helper. Peter was still playing the game. The food was done. I asked, "Do you want some food?" Peter wasn't sure; he may eat out with Brian. I ate my food. Brian called Peter; they were going to eat supper together. Peter went to meet him somewhere. I had another helping of food. I watched The Jeffersons season 1, then Desperate Living. I did my journal. Good night.
Tuesday, August 16, 2005
I was homeless in LA
I stayed at Midnight Mission
I was glad that I had a place to stay
It saved me from skid row
I know I wouldn’t survive in the streets
I followed the rules
I "scored" points at the shelter
The points let us to stay longer
It was time for a change
I wanted a new look
I was tired of my brown hair
The beauty shop changed me into a blond
I looked marvelous
It was the first time to change my color
I went back to Midnight Mission
I showed my hair to my friends
Everyone seems like my blond hair
The head honcho wanted to see me
I went in his office
He really hated my new look
It costs an uproar big time during July 4th weekend
He found himself "an out"
He mentioned it didn’t look good at the shelter
I didn’t understand
My new look had nothing to do with the shelter
He gave me an ultimatum
He ordered me to change it back to brown
Or shave it off
He gave me a few days to decide
Well, I don’t have to think about it
He has no right to tell me what to do
I flat out refused
He kicked me out for not being a blond
He used the blonde hair as "an excuse"
He discriminated me for being gay
At least, I stood my ground
I will rather to be blonde AND gay,
Then listen to a low life jerk at Midnight Mission
Early this morning, I shopped at Vons for groceries. It was a good thing I went - some cereals was on SALE! I had one box of Corn Flakes to my name. I saved lots of money.
By the time I got home, I was so hot. It was cool in the morning. I watched Saturday Night Fever. I watched my soaps
I checked my mail; I got two movies from Columbia House; Rocky and Priscilla Queen Of The Desert. I watched Rocky.
That was the day.
Sunday, August 14, 2005
I took bus 4 to Western/Santa Monica. I called Peter; they were on the way to the bus stop. I waited at the bus stop. I saw them inside the bus. They strolled around the corner and walked down the other side of the street. I don't think they saw me at the bus stop. I walked down to McDonald's. They got to the corned. The light turned green. They ran across the street and rushed into McDonald's. I went inside. Peter said, "What take you long? We were here a long time." He was playing with me. We ate breakfast. I showed them the new poem.
The poem makes sence. Most people don't see the real talent; they only see the OTHER person. After all, I write as the first person, not the third person. All this time, I got the first person and the thrid person messed up. Writing as the first person is much easy for me.
We took bus 4 to the red line, the subway to Union Station. Peter/Brian looked at the bus times. One will be there shortly. We went upstairs. We chatted for a while. Brian was still working at the one place. Brian brought up about moving. He figured moving up north will be a great ideal. We lived in LA forever. Brian wants to get a house in the East Bay. There are more job openings for his kind of work. Peter and I likes the moving ideal. I won't mind moving, but...we need to money or, at least, someone hit it big!
We took 446 to the Tall Boat show. We grabbed something to eat. We ate at the table. We looked around at the booths. They brought a small tain glasss with a boat or a lighthouse. Then, we went to see the tall boats. The lines was full. We got in line. Brian decided we can get in another line. We went inside a building and saw lots of boats. I took some pictures. We were there about 45 minutes. We went outside. We walked around.
On the other side, some people fed some fishes to some seals. We took some pictures. A crowd gathered around and took some pics too. We finally waited in line. They guy told us to wait; it's time to let some people off the boat. We walked on the boat and saw everything. I took some pics of Brian/Peter and the boat. We walked to the trian station. We changed our minds and went to the mexican restuarant. We waited atthe bar; drinking. Peter came back; our table was ready. We went outside to eat.
We walked to the bus stop. The bus was coming; we almost miss the bus. We ran and made it on time. We went to Union Station. We got off at Santa Monica. We went our separate ways. I took bus 4 home.
I was pretty tired. I watched the Fox 11 news. Once again, there was another car chase. Someone carjacked a car with a gun. Few times, Fox 11 lost the feeds from the helicopter. At the end, the guy stopped the car. He got out of the car. There was no running from the police. They arrested him. After the news, I went to sleep.
Some people was mad at me
They don't see the whole story
They saw someone else in me
I was a REAL person in my art
They saw I was homophobia
They saw I was an unfit mother
They saw I was a killer
They saw I was a druggie
They saw I was an alcoholic
They saw I was black
They saw I was other people
They truly believed I was those people
I can't be THOSE people
I am a gay white male, artist & HIV +
I have a true passion for my art
I don’t want to limit myself to one type of art
It’s best to be versatile
I showed wide range of emotions
To be successful, they must see me as that character
Just like the actors in the movies
The audience needs to feel the pain and happiness too
They may relate to the character
What was the truth?
I can't be any of those things
I represent the REAL world in my art
I envisioned myself as those people
Just like the actors in the movies
As long we are convincing, it’s a job well done
That’s make us great artists
I don't want to hide from the truth
It does happen in real life
Probably, they was mad at THOSE people in the world
I don't care if they get mad at me
That really told me one thing
They were convinced that I was them
Meaning, I was a great artist
Yet, they don't see the real talent
Saturday, August 13, 2005
I woke up early this morning. I had no breakfast. Just in case I get hungry, I put some crackers in the backpack. It was cold outside. I took my leather coat with me. I just went straight to the post office. Like always, I took bus 304.
I got my EW magazine and the bank statement. I read EW at the magazine, smoking. I didn't want to go home. It was such a nice day to pass up. I went to Barnes & Noble at The Grove. This time, I wasn't bored like last Saturday.
I read Then & Now East Bay and the very first Peanuts comic strip in the Peanuts book. I liked The Peanuts book. I may get it some day.
Peter called me. He thought I was going to meet them at the Glendale mall. I told him that I was already at the mall. There was no plans of any kind today. I wanted to call them at the bus stop in Weho, but they were still in bed. I didn't want to disturb them at 8:30.
Brian wanted to get a new wallet at the mall. He lost his. Peter invited me to see The Wedding Crashers in Los Feliz. I told him that I might go. I wasn't interest of going at all. Something else might happen. They will text me later with the movie time.
Peter noticed I was sad in my voice. I lied that everything was fine. Peter knows me quite well. I will tell them tomorrow about Micky. I didn't want to ruin their day today. Sometimes, I will keep things to myself. Yes, I know! It is good to talk with friends about the problems. Today wasn't that day.
After 1 PM, I caught the bus. I got off at Jons. I brought something sweet to eat. I had any food yet. I ate two chocolate filled French Twists at the bus stop. Mum always buy them when I was a lad. I took the Vermount bus to SM, then bus 4 home.
I watched Hercules with Kevin Sorbo on DVD. Brian called me during the first episode. I declined the movie offer. I was more into Hercules. They thought I had a trick over! They were further from the truth! LOL. I mentioned I was still good for tomorrow's plans. We will take some pics of some ships. Peter told me about it at the book store. I didn't know anything about it. I don't keep up with the latest in LA. Yes, the world was passing me by. :-(
I saw the first two Hercules episodes, then I watched some regular TV like I Love Lucy, Married W Children on Fox 11. I listened to disco music on KBIG. I did some art.
That was about the day I had.
Man, oh, man!
I really hated the faggots
They grossed me out big time
That lifestyle wasn’t right in God’s eyes
It was plain wrong
It supposed to be a man/woman, not the same sex
They were ruining the human race
All humans should procreate
I was glad that God forbids them in Heaven
That was one place we will be free of them
I can’t tolerate the sick individuals
It really sickened me
I won’t stand for them any more
It was time for a serious beating
I drove around town late at night
A feminine guy was hitching a ride
I remained calm and pulled to the side
He needs a ride home to West Hollywood
I picked him up
I mentioned I know a short cut
In truth – I took him to a dark alley
Of course, I sexually misled him
He fell for my wicked charms
He was interested of getting it on
I planted a kiss on his lips
He foolishly let his guard down
I had him where I want him
I made my move with a knife
He was scared for his life
He pleaded for his safety
I had to get rid of that faggot
The world will be better off without him
I stabbed him to death
There was no stopping the hate crime
Since I was a teen, I dreaded the moment
Back then, being gay wasn’t acceptable by the public
I stayed in the closet as long I could
I didn’t want any backlash
I feared to be gay bash
I didn’t feel safe in White Settlement
I was tired of living a lie
White Settlement was no longer home
The small town was a jail
I was trapped and miserable
I can’t be myself
Therefore, I moved to West Hollywood
Weho opened lots of doors for me
I was safer
I was very happy living there
I can be myself
I had freedom unlike White Settlement
I was proud of who I was – a gay man
I wasn’t ashamed
I came out of the closet
Jade09 from Planetout got on my case for giving my lover the HIV virus. He was really angry about the HIV Guilt.
I let him have it big time!
What a horrible, selfish thing to do to someone you "love". You should be prosecuted for murdering your lover. I wonder how many more people you have deliberately infected with a terminal illness because you "loved" them so much, that you could not bear the thought of losing them. You'll lose him now- from the disease you gave him.. I hope you are imprisoned for the rest of your irresponsible life.
This is my response.
Please get off your HIGH HORSE!
The police will NEVER EVER arrest me for giving the lover the HIV disease.
I will remain a free man!
Really, the police can do NOTHING about it.
Yes, I admitted I gave him HIV.
There is NO WAY that I will be lock up.
I sent Jade09 an email with the same response.
Friday, August 12, 2005
I thought my love was good enough
I gave him flowers
I gave him candy
I gave him gifts
I always mentioned, “I love you”
I shared my life with him
He even know my deep darkness secrets
I took him out on the town once in a while
I cooked him romantic dinners
He had my loving attention
He was distance from me
He was in another world
I wondered what went wrong
I was there for him
He didn’t return any love
I was heartbroken
I believed he felt the same way
Maybe, I was wrong
Maybe, I wasn’t giving him enough love
Was it me?
Micky called me in the late afternoon. He asked,"How are you?" I said, "I am mad."
He figured out why. He didn't show up few days ago. He stood me up! :-( I waited for him. He mentioned he was sorry. Yeah, right!
He claimed he fell asleep. I just don't buy it. He could have call me the next day or that night. Did he? Hell, no!
Somehow, he threw it back in my face. Huh? I didn't do anything wrong.
Then, he put the blame on me. He mentioned I don't let him to come over sometimes. Hello, he don't have to come over ALL THE TIME.
The truth - it wasn't even about me. It wasn't about us. It was about him.
He wanted to come over this afternoon. I refused. I don't want to do anything with him for a while. I was tired of his abuse.
I thought about kicking him out of my life for good. He will lost a good friend in me.
It will be better that he stays out of my life.
The DVD movies from Columbia House are coming soon! I am so happy!
Order Date: 8/8/05
Completed Orders (orders already shipped)
The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert - $5.98
Rocky - $5.98
The Jeffersons: The Complete First Season - $22.46
The Jeffersons: The Complete Second Season - $22.46
Shallow Grave - $9.98
Torch Song Trilogy - $9.98
Fried Green Tomatoes Collector's Edition - $5.98
V: The Original Miniseries - $5.98
Desperate Living - $5.98
Pink Flamingos 25Th Anniversary Edition - $5.98
The total was $108.04.
Thursday, August 11, 2005
Happy Michael Jackson - Thriller
Looking for a BOOK AGENT
Reply to: email@example.com
Date: 2005-08-11, 11:16PM PDT
I am looking for a book agent.......someone to help me to get my foot in the publishing world.
I believed I am talented enough. I have enough poems for a book.
If you are interest, send me an email.
Be sure to tell me about your HISTORY as an AGENT.
I want a REAL agent!
I felt like my time have come.
this is in or around West Hollywood
no -- it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
I was a famous club kid
I was a party promoter in Manhattan
I learned from my mentor, James St. James
Everyone wore outrageous costumes at the clubs
I assigned them names and personas
I opened a new world for them
They have never experience this kind of club life before
They can openly be themselves
There weren’t any hassles from anyone
Some people didn’t know what to think of us
I was very pleased with the club kids image
I developed an expensive drug habit
It didn’t stop me from partying
I still had a fabulous time everywhere
Nothing could stop the good times
Then again, something bad happened
I was sleeping
Angel, the drug dealer, barged into the apartment
I didn’t know what’s happening
He demanded some money
I didn’t pay him lately
He continued to be forceful
He wanted the money right then and there
Sorry, I had no money at all
He was aggressive with me
I was defending myself
Things were out of control
I bludgeoned Angel with a hammer
I poured Drano down his throat
I chopped off his legs
I dumped his body in Hudson River
Angel was no longer a burden
Thank Goodness it was over
I killed him in self-defense
Wednesday, August 10, 2005
I felt so ashamed
My newborn baby was addiction to drugs
It was my entire fault
I did heroin with a needle
I just didn’t care
My main concern was the next hit
No matter how I get it, I put the baby in jeopardy
I wasn’t thinking about the baby
I wanted to get high at any cost
Sadly, I didn’t want the baby
I felt like the pregnancy ruined my life
I wasn’t ready to be a mother
I just punished my baby
I don’t deserve him
I was an unfit mother
I wanted no part of him
I didn’t see him after the birth
It was much better that way
My baby could have a REAL mother
She would take better care of him
I signed my parental rights away
I gave up the drug addiction baby
Micky called me after 2:30 PM. He wanted to come over to have some fun. He mentioned that he lives with Mike, his ex lover, again. He promised that he will be over 45 minutes. I took a quick shower. I waited and waited and waited and waited and waited........you know the drill. LOL
I finally gave up by 5 PM. Damn, I hated when he DOES NOT show up. I bet he went to the damn clubs again. I am so sick and tired of him.
I should have known he wouldn't show up. It happened many times before.
Tuesday, August 09, 2005
I have a feeling that the law enforcement will pay me another visit about the "Personal Written Poems" on Craig's List.
Come on now. I did nothing wrong. It is not ILLEGAL to post an ad.
This time, I put the ad under Rants & Raves.
Hey, I am just trying to get my ART out on the web. There's nothing wrong with that.
I can get more people interest in my art.
This is the ad...
Personal Written Poems
Reply to: firstname.lastname@example.org
Date: 2005-08-10, 12:54AM EDT
If u want a PERSONAL written poem signed by yours truly, send me an EMAIL. I will send you the web address, then u can tell me what poem you like of mine on my web site, I will personal write the poem and signed by me. I will email the written poem to you.
All poems are Copyright © 2005 Kazz Falcon
Thanx a million.
Personal written poems signed by yours truly. Tell me what poem you like of mine on my web site, I will personal write the poem and signed by me. I will email the written poem to you.
All poems are Copyright © 2005 Kazz Falcon
Monday, August 08, 2005
I took the movies back at Best Buy. The refund was over $250. The worker asked "Why do you want a refund?" I said, "I am with a movie club on the web."
The movies are very CHEAP with the Columbia House club.
I just ordered some movies - Rocky, The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert, Shallow Grave, Torch Song Trilogy, Fried Green Tomatoes Collector's Edition, V: The Original Miniseries, Desperate Living and Pink Flamingos 25Th Anniversary Edition.
Of course, the first/second season of The Jeffersons too!
The bill was $108.04. Some movies costed $5.98. I got a pretty good deal with Columbia House!
Sunday, August 07, 2005
Saturday, August 06, 2005
I picked up my mail at the post office. I called Peter/Brian at home; there was no answer. I decided to go The Grove for a little while. I read my magazines at the book store. The boredom got to me; there was nothing else to do. I checked out the TV DVDs. Boy, I saw the second season of The Jeffersons. So much, I want to get it, but I didn't have the discount card on me. Hopefully, I will get it some day.
I went out for a smoke and walked around. Even that was boring. I hopped on the bus and went to Hollywood/Highland mall. I was bored too. There was nothing excites me, EXCEPT The General Lee from The Dukes Of Hazzard movie. It was in front of Manns' Theater on the star's footprints. I wished my camera was with me! I will have take pics of that car. Hopefully, I can take some pics tomorrow.
I took the subway to Santa Monica and went home, I was still bored!
Gee, couldn't be life be any more EXCITING?
I was tired and beaten
My addiction worn me down
Can’t you see my frown?
I shed a tear of millions
My boss noticed I wasn’t doing a good job
I mentioned I couldn’t get any sleep
He knew better than that
He released me from my duties
He promised my job would be waiting for me
Throughout the years, I was at many rehab centers
I couldn’t escape my addiction
It took control of my life
No matter how hard I try, I wasn’t able to stop
I always go back to heroin
The habit was hard to break
I injected it in the arm with a needle
It made me to feel so good
I don’t have a problem in the world
The heroin was the one I wanted the most in life
I didn’t care about anything else
I continued to lose everything AND everyone
I couldn’t handle what I became
I felt very bad that it truly cost me my life
It was the end of my rope
Thursday, August 04, 2005
I had such a beautiful wife
She was my joy and love
I adored everything about her
She was kind, sweet, loving, caring and a great comfort
She will do anything for you
I couldn’t ask for a better spouse
One stormy night, she didn’t come home on time
I became worried about her
It wasn’t like her to be late
I didn’t call the police
She wasn’t missing for 24 hours
I drove around the neighborhood in the rain
I noticed someone lay by the curb
I parked the car
I ran to check the person
My worst nightmare came true
I found her in a pool of blood
She bled to death
A thug stabbed her with a knife
Her purse was missing
He took my wife from me
How could someone do such a thing?
She didn’t have a mean bone in her body
I regretted for not protecting her
I wished I was with her
Things would be different
She would still be alive
I became angry
I couldn’t stop the rage
He will be sorry for killing my wife
He will pay with his life
I won’t stop till he is DEAD
The killing engulfed my soul within
The hate grew stronger by each second
I vowed to avenge her death
I was captured by hate
Wednesday, August 03, 2005
Today was the day. I was on the way to meet that person at a disclosed location. No one will suspect a thing. As long I keep everything under wraps, I won't get in trouble with the law.
By Kazz Falcon
The hit will be unexpected
None will be the wiser
It’s best to be that way
No on can stop the hit
It must be successful first
Then, he will receive payment
I waited for a long time
He was the perfect choice to be the hit man
I trusted that he wouldn’t tell the police
I won’t go to jail; even it kills me
My fate was in his hands
I depended on him
Hopefully, he will get the job done
It means the world to me
It will be worth every cent
There won’t be any more pain or headache
Soon, that life will end
I won’t miss the dreadful life
The only difference between Terry and me
Her husband pulled the plug on her life
I had a choice to end things
I can live with the decision
Bring on the hit
Tuesday, August 02, 2005
My boyfriend took an HIV test
He gave me the bad news
He was HIV +
He wondered how it happened
We always practiced safe sex
We haven’t been with someone else
We had a monogamy relationship
He started to cry
I comforted him
He shouldn’t be worry
It wasn’t the end of his life
Things happened for a reason
We had no control over things
Back in my mind, I know the truth
I gave the disease to him
I kept my HIV status a secret
I loved him so much
I didn’t want to lose him
That’s why I didn’t tell him
I was afraid that he wants no part of me
I put his life at risk
I felt so guilty
there are many people want to check their childhood home in the old neighborhood.
All my life, I want to see the home in Cleveland. We used to lived in a two story brick house on the corner in the mid 1970's. the landlords lived on the first floor. my family lived on the second.
we lived across a playground; the church was the next door.
I forgotton the address. i have no ideal what happen to the neighborhood.
then, we moved to Fort Worth to by near my granny, my mum's mum, in the late 70's.
We lived at 8212 Susssex St. in White Settlement. My mum rented the house from granny. I remembered the house and the neighborhood quite well. We lived there for many many years.
The last thing I heard about 8212 Sussex, the house was tored down in the 1990's. Someone is living at that address now. I haven't look at the new house.
I could imagine their house is much better than the old one!
Hopefully, some day, I could drop in for a visit and looked at the new house!
Monday, August 01, 2005
I read in the bible that being gay is a sin
That doesn’t wash my hands
I just don’t believe that
God made me a homosexual
Therefore, how can it be a sin?
Besides, God want a variety of people on earth
The bible said, “Do not judge.”
Yet, some people do it any way
They judged me for being gay
Let’s talk about homosexuality in the bible
It’s best to talk about Heaven and God first
It’s the judgment day
I stood in front of God
It was the only the two of us, not counting Jesus and Mother Mary
Who else do I see?
I don’t see anyone else, not my friends, family or strangers
It’s between God and me
It’s really about God and me, no one else
The relationship is between God and me
God is the judge of my life
No one else judges me in heaven
Why can’t it be like that on earth where no one judges you?
Sunday, July 31, 2005
I posted an ad on Craig’s list
I didn’t hide my HIV status
I put it in the subject line
Few guys sent me an email
They wanted to hook up
I checked the ads again
I noticed someone responses to my ad
I clicked on the ad
Boy, I couldn’t believe it
That Negro personally attacked me
He mentioned I was ashamed of myself
I had no reason to be ashamed
I was proud to be HIV +
He doesn’t know anything about me
We have NEVER ever met
He was one stupid black person
He had no right to attack me
I did nothing wrong
I was being honest with my HIV status
He accused me of keeping AIDS alive
I will leave you with this thought
People are having bareback sex whether we are negative or not
That was the reality of things
Why are they complaining about HIV/AIDS?
Saturday, July 30, 2005
Tonight, I checked my email. He read my Hit Man 4 Hire entry in my journal. He is interested of meeting me this week at a disclosed location.
I may take him up on his offer. Why not? I have nothing to lose.
This week, I will send him an email the date and time.
I can't wait to meet him. Soon, my troubles will be over.
Friday, July 29, 2005
All I did today was picked up my bus pass for next month. It was too hot to do anything else.
I watched my soaps..........the usual things I do.
Later on, I watched Y&R on tape. During the soap, there was an ad for Y&R.
I was quite impressed with the ad. The Return Of Sheila will be fagulous to watch, starting next week.
Sheila Carter Forrester is my all time favourite villian.
Thursday 07/28/2005 8:40:39am
Name: Lisa from Orange County/ USA
Comments: hey there!i thought this was an interesting site. your life stories are a little disorganized, but interesting none the less. i read your comments on michael alig. i cant help but to agree with an earlier entry. i really truely hope that you dont try to mess him up on drugs or something of that sort. the guy is trying to sober up as you can see from his club kids website. i really hope michael stays strong and can find a way to live without the trouble. i hope you will not be a bad influence if you do get together with him.
That was from my Guestbook...
Thursday, July 28, 2005
Everyone knows I am an artist
I posted my art in some forums
It was a good way to be recognized
Maybe, an agent can get in contact with me
I could get a book deal
I wasn’t in any rush at all
Sometimes, I ran into some trouble
Some people took my art serious
They accused me of drugging people
They accused me of raping people
They accused me of spreading HIV
They accused me of putting a baby in the dumpster
They accused me about anything
Where do they have the nerves?
They hardly know me
They have no right to judge me
I wasn’t hurting anyone with my art
Yet, they felt like I was doing the dirty deed
I was guilty in their eyes
They didn’t care I was innocence or not
They really believed I was one sick individual
One of these days, they will go too damn far
Perhaps, the police may arrest me for my art
They were hostile with me too
I could end up in the hospital or DEAD
Man, I didn’t do anything wrong
They must stop assuming the worst things in me
I wasn't a bad guy at all
It was ONLY ART
I was the accused
Wednesday, July 27, 2005
Micky told me about the Desperate Housewives party last night at the restaurant he works at.
He is a waiter. He was quite impressed by them.
We are both fans of that show.
I watched ET and The Insider. They showed the party.
Micky believed he saw himself on The Insider. I didn't see it. I was smoking up a storm! LOL
This entry has 1 comments:
You keep signing in and giving your entry a subject title but do not write in the space for comment. Often I wonder why. Write me at email@example.com and my journal is Wishing and Hoping. I know a MICKY too. MM
Comment from nelishianatl - 7/28/05 6:19 AM
For Angel Of Death to take me away
I was at my death bed
I will be happier in the afterlife
My friends/family won't have to cry
I will see them again
I don't know when
Who knows when we go to the great beyond?
I left good memories behind
They can hold on to the memories
Everyone will missed me dearly
The memories will keep them company
Here I laid in the bed
Some friends surrounded me
The pastor gave me the last rites
I can go peacefully in death
I won't have any more pain
I was grateful I had a wonderful life
I said my goodbyes to everyone
I died in my sleep
Copyright ©2005 Kazz Falcon
Tuesday, July 26, 2005
I finally put the new vacuum cleaner together in the evening; I brought it last Saturday at Best Buy. My so called neighbor ruined my old one. I really like my old one. I really hate giving things to people. I won't do that ever again. The black vacuum is good enough for me.
I vacuumed my apartment after a few monthes. It was about time too. The carpet was filty. The vacuum cleaner did a excellant job.
I didn't see it LIVE.......it was on the news.
a white car made a right turn at the corner.
this one police car didn't have control and crashed into a BUILDING!
the police officer was all right.
yes, they caught the driver in the white car.
Sunday, July 24, 2005
I went to the bank first. I knew I have to put some money in. I had a feeling I will buy more movies at Best Buy. I walked down Vine to Santa Monica. I called Brian. I got no ring tones. I called again. Nothing happened. I looked at the phone. Now, it won't turn itself off and on. It was stuck. So, I walked back up to Verizon. I waited in line about 15 minutes. The worker saw me. I explained my situation. It will be a while. I checked out the phones. Hmm, some of them couldn't turn on. I found some did by the wall. I played with them. I saw a Qix game on a phone. I played that game for a while. I haven't played Qix since I was a small kid. I loved that game. It's bad I can't get that game for my phone. It must be that time. She was with another customer. She gave me my phone. I went outside. I looked at the time; 11 AM. Boy, I was there for an hour!
I walked to the bus stop on Vine and Santa Monica. I called Brian; I left a message "on the way to Best Buy." Damn, it was extremely hot. Bus 4 came soon. I went to the movies. I ended up getting lots of movies. I returned the box set for a new one. Peter called me as I got in line. It was my turn. I hung up the phone. Man, oh, man! I spent over $350 for the movies. The last time I spent that kind of money for the movies was at Blockbuster few years ago. I only spent over $100 for 8 movies.
I called Brian back. He mentioned he need to go back to Best Buy for a phone call. He forgot to buy one yesterday. I mentioned I just left the store; I was on my way home. They can come over after Best Buy. I got home about 2. I watched the Planet Of The Apes documentary. Peter called me. They weren't coming over; it was getting late. Peter wanted to come over Tuesday to watch some movies. Sure, that's fine. I watched more movies. Few times, I fell asleep during Sinbad. I couldn't keep my eyes open. Don't get me wrong. Sinbad wasn't a boring movie! I was tired and sleepy. Good night.
Saturday, July 23, 2005
15 minutes later, Peter called me. He wondered if I want to join them for breakfest at Carl's. You betcha! I didn't eat breakfast yet. I just got dressed and left quickly before the heat hits us. I mentioned I already picked up my mail; I was on my way to Carl's.
I got off bus 4. I went to Carl's. There was no Peter and Brian. I was the first one to arrived. I waited outside. Shortly, Peter arrived; Brian forget his Best Buy card. We went inside and ordered food. We sat by the window. Here's comes Brian. We ate breakfast.
They wanted to go to Best Buy first. That was a bad ideal. We will be at Best Buy for a long time. Instead, we went to Target. We couldn't find the bald stuff for my hair. Brian mentioned we can go to next door; they may have the stuff. They brought some things. I mentioned I need a new vacuum cleaner. Brian and I looked at them; nothing excites me. They didn't have the brand I want.
We went to Best Buy. I looked at the movies/TV. So much, I wanted some tv shows. None of them was on sale. Therefore, I got some movies - Planet Of The Apes, The Bad News Bears and Pirates Of The Carribean. I haven't watch Planet Of The Apes in ages. Peter got him a cell phone cover.
We went to the beauty shop upstairs. We asked for the bald stuff. The lady worker took us to the section. There was some hair remover for the women, not the guys. We looked at the perfumes. I noticed a new one called Obsession Night by Calvin Klien. I tried some one. EIW! I didn't like it. I loved the original better.
We found Peter outside, sitting on the beach. Peter was trying the cell phone cover. Oops, it was too small. We went back to Best Buy. Brian and I waited for him in line. A while passed, we looked for Peter. He was still looking. Brian mentioned the vacuum cleaner is by the wall. I checked them out. I came upon my brand, the Dirt Devil! It was on sale. I went back to them; I missed them. They were already in line. I told me that I found one I like. Peter exchanged the covers. We checked the vacuum cleaner. Brian mentioned I should get it; today was the last day of the sale. I grabbed one. We went to the checkout counter.
They want to go to Jambo Juice and Circuit City. I wanted to, but the vacuum cleaner was too much to carry around everywhere. I took bus 304. I didn't want to take 304 all the way to Alavardo. The vacuum cleaner was too much for the long walk. I got off at Silverlake and took bus 2 home! I just went home, turned on the fan and watched The Planet Of The Apes movies, except the last one. It was getting late. I went to sleep.
Friday, July 22, 2005
I posted a response on Craig's List....
Reply to: firstname.lastname@example.org
Date: 2005-07-28, 8:03AM PDT
Why are you doing BAREBACK while complaining about AIDS?
That means one thing - u are a damn hypocrite!
Bareback sex is encouraging the spread of AIDS and other STDs whether we are negative or not.
You are the blame too!
PLEASE......PRETTY PLEASE......Practice what u preach.
At least, I am MAN ENOUGH to put HIV in the subject line!
Now, my response to his TWO posts.....
because it's like this guy who post HIV sex 35 that keeps AIDS alive in the world.
that is the most dumb thing I ever hear!
He ACCUSED me of keeping AIDS alive.
What about the OTHER people who have bareback sex too?
I was being honest with my HIV status in the post.
Honesty goes a long way.
I am leting everyone know watch out for the White male who is ashmed who he is.
Another dumb statement.
He hardly knows me........he is JUDGING me and ATTACKING me!
I am not ashamed of myself. I am proud to be HIV +.
At least, I am not HIDING my HIV status!
I cannot belive there are people like this that exist in the world and think so nasty
he is getting dumber by the minute!
How can it be nasty that I posted my HIV status on the web?
My life is a open book.
I have nothing to hide.
I think CG SHOULD ban people who post such nasty and trashy things on men seeking men THERE had to be some type of ban
I think they should BAN him from the web for PERSONAL ATTACKING ME!
that was pretty low of him.
My post wasn't even that nasty.
This guy would not post a face pic of himself.
Dumb, dumb, dumb.
I don't have to post a face pic.
There are HATRED like him that will ATTACK me.
He didn't post a face pic either.
He shouldn't complain about the damn pic.
He needs to PRACTICE what he preach!
I posted an HIV Bareback Sex on Craig's List.
7" x 0" Cut
your stats and pics in a EMAIL......PLEASE.
Looking for a smooth bottom for THIS MORNING.
This BLACK guy ATTACKED me for no reason at all. I have the right to defend myself. Here is a lowlife response from this guy
Reply to: email@example.com
Date: 2005-07-22, 8:23AM PDT
This guy is so sad Iam 23 yrs old and you would think an 35 yr old American Male would pay attention to such disease I cannot belive there are people like this that exist in the world and think so nasty and no care about Aids think what you are doing when you go to Cg i think CG SHOULD ban people who post such nasty and trashy things on men seeking men THERE has to be some type of ban it is 2005 and this world just dont get it. I also belive that everyone that comes to this site should be ready to face Aids and other disease when you click on Cg just be ready to face it why? beacuse its like this guy who post HIV sex 35 that keeps Aids alive in the world dont say Africa has a problem of Aids I think America has a problem of Aids 1st So If you are reading this today or next week please click to another human being that respect clean sex and safe sex you can take this advise from an 23 year old african american instead of an 35 yr old WHITE american thank you be safe guys.
Here's another ATTACK by that negro!
Reply to: firstname.lastname@example.org
Date: 2005-07-22, 10:00AM PDT
Hello guys I'm the guy who posted today african american 23 yrs old Hollywood California. I am leting everyone know watch out for the White male who is ashmed who he is. This guy would not post a face pic of himself only hisHIV + D___. Yes only you would see his d___, but you dont know when you s___ it there will be trouble in your mouth, ass & all over take advise from a 23 year old who is safe. There are to many discrepancies with this guy I wish he would just j___ off by himself HAHAHAHAH
My response.........that negro have lots of nerves to ATTACK me. I did nothing WRONG. I am being honest about my HIV status.
He has no right to COMPLAIN and ATTACK me about HIV Bareback sex.
I will leave with u this thought........Since people are having BAREBACK SEX, why are they complaining about HIV/AIDS?
Wednesday, July 20, 2005
I went to Beverly Center. I was one hour earlier. I read SOD magazine to kill some time. 15 till, the theater was opened. I got one ticket for Star Wars Episode 3 Revenge Of The Sith. It was, by far, the best prequel movie ever. The other movies sucks.
I got hungry. I haven't eat lunch. I went to Ralphs for a while. They didn't have anything at all; no special on candy. I looked around the drug store; no candy either. I waited to eat when I get home. I took 105 to Santa Monica, then I took 105 home. I noticed that Ronald was still waiting for the bus this morning! LOL. I crossed the street and told him that! He mentioned he was already went home and take a nap. He showed me the Jury letter. Boy, he didn't want to serve the jury, but who does? I sure don't.
I went home and eat a pot pie. I watched One Life To Live on tape. We learned one of the Killing Club killers - it was Marcia's book agent! There wasn't a real surprise. Everyone knew that he was a killer for the longest. It was writing on the wall. The twist is.......there are two killers. I didn't see that one coming. John figured there was two last week or so. I guessed tomorrow, we will find out who is the other killer.
That was the funfilled day. I supposed to have sex with this guy in the evening. I was too tired from my day. Oh well.
Tuesday, July 19, 2005
After the movie, I took a quick shower. After 6 PM, we took bus 4 to Rite Aid. Peter brought us some drinks and candy. Peter was too busy, putting the stuff away that he gave me the phone to talk to Brian. Brian mentioned he got off at the subway at Vermont/Santa Monica. I didn't tell Peter at all. I gave back the phone. We crossed the parking lot. We saw each other across the street. I tried to call Brian, but he won't pick up. He knows better! LOL
Bus 4 came. Nah, we didn't take that bus. I mentioned we can take the same bus, 156. Brian got off the bus. We continued to the Hollywood Bowl. We were one hour earlier. The Hollywood Bowl was beautiful. Jack finally arrived 30 minutes later. Jack sat behind us. Peter & Jack got along fabulous. Peter can't remember him from the old days.
We pulled a trick on Jack during the intermission. We moved up a roll; I felt crowded - three latino men sat next to me. Jack was back. He didn't notice we moved up a roll. He sat behind us! LOL.
The concert lasted after 10 PM. I had a nice time. The weather was cool. The music was beautiful. We went home - Jack got off at Hollywood, Peter got off at Gower and I got off at Vermount. I started to bite my nails again! I took bus 4 home. I got home after 11 PM.
This entry has 1 comments:
I found your journal and I like it. I'm a straight pos woman who lives with two Gay guys, a long term relationship, 10 years. I battle with depression. I understand you. Our interests in life are similar too. I'm also a writer who gets distracted. lol Write me. Check out my journal too. Called Wishing and Hoping. Thanks. Nelishia
Comment from nelishianatl - 7/20/05 8:46 AM
Sunday, July 17, 2005
Today was Disneyland's 50th Anniversary.
I lived in LA over ten years. I have never been to Disneyland.
The only theme parks I went to was Universal Studios park with my ex, Miguel, in January 2000. We had a nice time.
I went to Knot Berry Farm with his family in the summer. I rode my FIRST ever rollercoaster.
Man, I won't ride one again. The rollercoaster was too much for me! LOL
One of these days, I will go to Disneyland!
Saturday, July 16, 2005
This morning, I went to the post office....only Entertainment Weekly was there.
There was no Soap Opera Digest magazine. That really sucks. I should get them weekly. Yet, I haven't recieve a new one over two weeks.
SOD was NEVER EVER like this before. I always get it on time.
I went to Best Buy for over an hour. I wanted to get The Jeffersons Season 1/2. There was none, except one copy of season 3. I already had it. I haven't watch season 3. I want to start from the beginning.
I looked at the movies. Some were $10. I got three movies - The Mummy Returns, The Scoripon King and Ever After.
I went home.....I checked my SOD subsciption online. I still have 11 months of SOD. I ordered the magazine two months ago.
I completely forgot to watch Big Brother 6 on CBS. I listened to disco music on KBIG. I have to see my VCR for Saturday nights.
All In The Family season 1 - 4
Boy Meets Boy season 1
Diff'rent Strokes season 1
The Fresh Prince season 1
Good Times season 1 - 4
Green Acres season 1
The Jeffersons season 3
The Osbournes season 1
Soap season 1
South Park season 2
Speed Racer Volume 2
Three's Company season 1 - 3
227 season 1
What's Happening season 1 - 2
Friday, July 15, 2005
Timmy sent me an email at yahoo about my ad on Craig's List.
dude - does that mean you're poz?
This was my response.......
I did put HIV in the title.
I am not hiding nothing.
Earlier this evening, a guy came over
we had sex......he was merely a bottom.
after we sex, i mentioned i was HIV +
man, the look on his face was priceless.
it dawned on him that I may infected him with HIV.
He was upset - he didn't know that I was HIV +.
He was ready to kick my ass.
I told him that I will call the police on him
I didn't do anything wrong.
What can i say?
He wanted me to have bareback sex.
I don't see any problem at all.
Oh well, life goes on.
He can't blame me for giving him HIV.
I don’t believe in suicide
I won’t dare to kill myself
Suicide was the farthest thing from my mind
I was unhappy with my life
I was stuck in life
I just can’t go up in life
I want to make something out of my life
I don’t want to be on SSI forever
No one was willing to give me a shot
I felt like a failure
I was miserable
There must be a way to end my life besides suicide
I won’t go there
I got an excellent ideal
Why don’t I hire a hit man?
They will get a job done for a price
I had enough money, $3,000
I must keep a low profile
I don't want to get in trouble with the police
Damn! It was hard to find one in person
I searched on the web
I posted an ad on Craig’s List
Is anyone interest of being a hit man for hire?
This entry has 1 comments:
Wow, what pain and yet such clarity of purpose at the same time. Please email me at email@example.com if you'd like to talk further about this. Thank you.
Comment from makoshrike - 7/21/05 8:33 AM
Thursday, July 14, 2005
I was supposed to have sex with this guy, Edward, in the morning. He lives in my neighborhood, two blocks from me.
I took a shower, then he could come over. I was all ready, it took more than a shower to be refresh.
We didn't have sex.
This morning, a friend showed up unexpectedly. Last night, he crashed his car. He didn't have the money to fix the car. He came to me for some money. I didn''t have any cash on me. We went to the bank. I am getting tired of bailing him out of everything all the time. He needs to take responsiable for his own actions.
Wednesday, July 13, 2005
I ran into an old friend, Jack, on the bus. He mentioned I can get free concert tickets for Hollywood Bowl for next Tuesday, July 19. I went to the post office first, then I picked up the tickets. I am pretty excited about the concert. It will be my first time to go to Hollywood Bowl.
Tuesday, July 12, 2005
Monday, July 11, 2005
Sunday, July 10, 2005
All I did today was watch movies all day long with a friend. Miguel had the day off from work.
Lord Of The Rings, Saturday Night Fever, and The Mummy.
Michael Crouch left a message during Saturday Night Fever. I didn't answer the phone. I knew what the phone call was about - his yahoo email account!
Saturday, July 09, 2005
This early morning, Michael Crouch called me about his problems at his apartment building. His downstair neighbors played the music loud all the time. He told his "two faced" manager about it. She won't do anything about it. The two faced was Mike's exact words, not mine. He even let her to hear the noice from his place. When he is LOUD, the neighbors complained about him. The manager told him to keep it down.
He don't like the mexicans any more. He thinks that they are ganging up on him in the building. He wants to move to a new place, maybe leave LA altogether. He have been wating to leave LA for the longest time not because of the mexicans. He was tired of LA; he wants something new in his life.
Mike wants me to hold his things when he move. I mentioned I can't. I really don't have enough space in my place. He needs to find somewhere else.
Mike asked "Did the people ever gang up on you?" I told him that no one ever did. Why should people gang up on me? I am the nicest person you ever meet. Of course, with a dark side! LOL.
Few hours later, Mike leave me a NASTY MESSAGE on my phone. He had one more final thing to say. He felt like I was being dishonest; I was very deceptive. He called me a DAMN LIAR! Say what? He felt like I lied to him about people ganging up on me. Not all people get gang up on. He never ever wants to be friends with me. He don't want it. He outgrown our friendship; he got his own place. He have other resources for the internet. He wished he never mentioned about his problems in the building; I was not the one to talk to about it. He believed I was never honest about who I am.
Well, Mike was at it AGAIN!
Few monthes ago, Mike claimed that Brian tried to rape him. Say what? Come on now! Brian will never ever do such a thing. I was there when the so called rape happened. I was sick. Mike was leaving. Brian was nice enough to give him a goodbye hug.
For some reason, Mike loves to start trouble with me. He have some screws lose! I bet his alcohol problem FINALLY sunk into his tiny brain.
Yes, I say it!
MICHAEL CROUCH IS A ALCOHOLIC!
In the past, he mentioned a FEW times that he needs to stop drinking; he claimed to be a alcoholic. He spends lots of moneyon alcohol, mostly at the gay clubs.
Wednesday, July 06, 2005
Once you read this LAST email, never ever contact me again and come to my place either!
I said what I need to say in the letter you got from my door yesterday.
You will never get your clothes back.
I don't ole you NOTHING, not even your clothes.
I promised u won't get your clothes.
Please don't show up at my place again or I will call the police on your sorry ass.
Have a nice life.